Lost Poetry Quotations
 In search of a long lost poem? Remember only a fragment? Post here! 

eMule -> The Poetry Archive -> Forums -> Lost Poetry Quotations


Goto Thread: PreviousNext
Goto: Forum ListMessage ListNew TopicSearchLog In
Stanley Holloway
Posted by: Cathy McGarry (217.154.249.---)
Date: January 10, 2005 05:17PM

Brown Boots I ask you
Good Morning Dear Sir Smashem Up


Re: Stanley Holloway
Posted by: ilza (---.162.246.42.user.ajato.com.br)
Date: January 10, 2005 05:29PM

what ?

SIR SMASHEM UPPE
E.V.RIEU

Good afternoon, Sir Smasham Uppe!
We're having tea: do take a cup!
Sugar and milk? Now let me see-
Two lumps, I think?...Good gracious me!
The silly thing slipped off your knee!
Pray don't apologize, old chap;
A very trivial mishap!
So clumsy of you? How absurd!
My dear Sir Smasham, not a word!
Now do sit down and have another,
And tell us all about your brother-
You know, the one who broke his head.
Is that poor fellow still in bed?-
A chair-allow me, sir!...Great Scott!
That was a nasty smash! Eh, what?
Oh, not at all: the chair was old-
Queen Anne, or so we have been told.
We've got at least a dozen more:
Just leave the pieces on the floor.
I want you admire our view:
Come nearer to the window, do;
And look how beautiful...Tut, tut!
You didn't see that it was shut?
I hope you are not badly cut!
Not hurt? A fortunate escape!
Amazing! Not a single scrape!
And now, if you have finished tea,
I fancy you might like to see
A little thing or two I've got.
That china plate? Yes, worth a lot:
A beauty too...Ah, there it goes!
I trust it didn't hurt your toes?
Your elbow brushed it off the shelf?
Of course: I've done the same myself.
And now, my dear Sir Smasham - Oh,
You surely don't intend to go?
You must be off? Well, come again.
So glad you're fond of porcelain!
.........................

BRAHN BOOTS
Weston & Lee

Our Aunt Hanna's passed away,
We 'ad her funeral today,
And it was a posh affair,
Had to have two p'licemen there!

The 'earse was luv'ly, all plate glass,
And wot a corfin!... oak and brass!
We'd fah-sands weepin', flahers galore,
But Jim, our cousin... what d'yer fink 'e wore?

Why, brahn boots!
I ask yer... brahn boots!
Fancy coming to a funeral
In brahn boots!

I will admit 'e 'ad a nice black tie,
Black fingernails and a nice black eye;
But yer can't see people orf when they die,
In brahn boots!

And Aunt 'ad been so very good to 'im,
Done all that any muvver could for 'im,
And Jim, her son, to show his clars...
Rolls up to make it all a farce,

In brahn boots...
I ask yer... brahn boots!
While all the rest,
Wore decent black and mourning suits.

I'll own he didn't seem so gay,
In fact he cried most part the way,
But straight, he reg'lar spoilt our day,
Wiv 'is brahn boots.

In the graveyard we left Jim,
None of us said much to him,
Yus, we all gave 'im the bird,
Then by accident we 'eard ...

'E'd given 'is black boots to Jim Small,
A bloke wot 'ad no boots at all,
So p'raps Aunt Hanna doesn't mind,
She did like people who was good and kind.

But brahn boots!
I ask yer... brahn boots!
Fancy coming to a funeral,
In brahn boots!

And we could 'ear the neighbours all remark
"What, 'im chief mourner? Wot a blooming lark!
"Why 'e looks more like a Bookmaker's clerk...
In brahn boots!"

That's why we 'ad to be so rude to 'im,
That's why we never said "Ow do!" to 'im,
We didn't know... he didn't say,
He'd give 'is other boots away.

But brahn boots!
I ask yer... brahn boots!
While all the rest,
Wore decent black and mourning suits!

But some day up at Heavens gate,
Poor Jim, all nerves, will stand and wait,
'til an angel whispers... "Come in, Mate,
"Where's yer brahn boots?"


Re: Stanley Holloway
Posted by: Linda (---.l3.c4.dsl.pol.co.uk)
Date: January 10, 2005 07:13PM

You can find the texts for the other Stanley Holloway monologues, as well as many others here:-
[www.monologues.co.uk]


Re: Stanley Holloway
Posted by: IanB (---.tnt11.mel1.da.uu.net)
Date: January 11, 2005 05:49PM

And Elm Tree Books, in conjunction with EMI Music Publishing, published in 1979 and 1980 respectively two amusingly illustrated paperbacks 'The Stanley Holloway Monologues' and 'Stanley Holloway More Monologues and Songs'.




Sorry, only registered users may post in this forum.
This poetry forum at emule.com powered by Phorum.