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Concrete Love
Posted by: Lloyd (---.sls.bc.ca)
Date: May 11, 2004 12:09AM

Concrete Love

I love the concrete jungle, the hardness,
The coldness, and the anonymous animosity.
The vibrant activity of life, and spontaneous unity.
The tragic stories on page 1, and the happy on 11.
Wondrous wondering for undiscovered sights.
Adventurous public transportation, taking us to
Fantastic places, Chinese markets, burned
Sandalwood, gilded domes.
Shanties of hope, and Estates of despair.
Cardboard dreams, and marble nightmares,
Stock ticker comfort and tin can survival.
Empty lot parks and junkie squares, country club happiness,
And coffee shop blues. Chopped air looking down with
A malcontent and wanton eye. Stareing with a piercing light
Randomly judges you, sees if you fight or flight.
A love and hate relationship, a collective of culture and
People, conflicts and amity.


Re: Concrete Love
Posted by: illudiumphosdex (209.101.250.---)
Date: May 11, 2004 01:45AM

I like this, it has a Kerouac feel to it. But I felt like the ending was missing something, like your point of view, or the point you're trying to make. You have some lovely imagery in here, though. Also, "stareing" should be "staring."

- Bob


Re: Concrete Love
Posted by: Hugh Clary (---.denver-04rh16rt.co.dial-access.att.net)
Date: May 11, 2004 11:46AM

I, too, found it interesting, although I was reminded of Eliot (Preludes) instead of Kerouac. Typo on 'staring', and a problem with 'fight or flight'. There is a fight or flight syndrome, yes, where the heart beats faster and the palms sweat, but 'to flight' is not a verb. "Sees if you fight or fly", I would think, since it is not a rhyming piece anyway. Modern usage would ditch the initial capitals as well.


Re: Concrete Love
Posted by: Breathing Oxide (---.proxy.aol.com)
Date: May 11, 2004 04:10PM

Seems to hold a deeper meaning, but I'll settle with it's a good poem.


6

................................................ Breathe The Silent Breath Of Hate Swallowed Unto Evils Gates.......... Know That I Reek Of You............. Your Killing Me........................... ..............................................


Re: Concrete Love
Posted by: lg (---.trlck.ca.charter.com)
Date: May 11, 2004 04:20PM

Lloyd, I think you're either a country person or a city person. This is something either kind of person can understand.

Welcome to e-mule. Post another.

Les


Re: Concrete Love
Posted by: Cad (---.strl1201.mi.comcast.net)
Date: May 11, 2004 04:44PM

I enjoyed this poem. There are good elements to it. I also was reminded of Kerouac.

I think the poem could be glorious if it were more concise, but that's just me.

I enjoyed the new read.

Cad


Re: Concrete Love
Posted by: Lloyd (---.sls.bc.ca)
Date: May 12, 2004 12:12AM

Thank you for your feed back.

I am a city person, and what I am expressing is that the city is a cold and inhospitable place. The poverty, and pain seems to be widespred, despite I could never imagine myself living in a rural seting for an extended time.

I agree, the ending seems unfinished and forced.

and saying it has a "Kerouac feel to it" is flatering.




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