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A Sad untitled Facial Expression
Posted by: K.Q. (217.144.3.---)
Date: April 12, 2004 12:01AM

His twenty seventh birthday
Gave birth to my first poem.
Wanting to give a gift from
The pocket of my own thoughts,
I poured love in a spoonful of words.
Three times older, his charismatic
Character instigated the best in me.

Now, I see but frozen moments
That once were; now, cease to be.
And I rationalize all I may and can,
But loss in death is personal: my own
Pocket of pain again, spending
From a store of memories mixed
With heartbeats, tears and a lasting smile.

His tragic flaw was impatience,
Harshly defeated by time. Time,
His one enemy, gave him a last
Leap into tomorrow, and left us all
To reap the salty rain of our gazes,
As we loosened the grip unwillingly
To give in to life: tides washing away time.



Post Edited (04-13-04 02:35)


Re: A Sad untitled Facial Expression
Posted by: Leicky (---.range81-152.btcentralplus.com)
Date: April 12, 2004 06:49AM

smiling smiley Hello K.Q

Interesting work.

"His tragic flaw was impatience,
Harshly defeated by time."

... Fatal flaws seem to be a recurring theme with you. I am curious, what role does tragedy play in your poetry.

A pleasure to read.


Leicky


Re: A Sad untitled Facial Expression
Posted by: Chesil (---.clvdoh.adelphia.)
Date: April 12, 2004 07:54AM

I like this a lot K.Q. My favorite lines:

Wanting to give a gift from
The pocket of my own thoughts,
I poured love in a spoonful of words.


Nice images that show the very real affection.

I am not sold on:

...charismatic
Character instigated

there seems to be a lot for the tongue to stumble over and if it were me, I would probably try to find something to replace 'instigated'.

Chesil


Re: A Sad untitled Facial Expression
Posted by: -Les- (---.trlck.ca.charter.com)
Date: April 12, 2004 10:14AM

I liked this poem K. Q. If this is for a real person, it is a great tribute.

I agree with Chesil about the use of "instigated". You could use "inspired" perhaps or "elicited".


Les


Re: A Sad untitled Facial Expression
Posted by: JP (66.119.33.---)
Date: April 12, 2004 10:50AM

Sad, KQ, and well written.

I'm with Les on 'elicited' It doesn't have that hard 'g' in the middle and sounds more pleasing to the ear.

JP


Re: A Sad untitled Facial Expression
Posted by: K.Q. (212.118.14.---)
Date: April 13, 2004 01:25AM

Dear Leicky, tragic and not fatal flaw is a theme in life at large , yes. we all do have our own. Moreover, the concept of drama, not necessarily tragedy, is very true of life in its outlook. "life is but a stage", i fully believe!

Dear Chesil, Les and JP,
Yes there is a lot to stumble and choke over, exactly how I feel. I do not fear death , but accept it as part of life. Yet as I said ,loss is personal and it hurts for many reasons some of which are selfishness and self-pity. I lost an uncle who realy "instigated" a lot in his nephews and nieces! He was strong minded in the way he inspired us to what he saw things should be like. Therefore, the choice of the word"instigated" is meant to be stumbled over from the consciousness of me now reflecting on myself as a child! And he did have charisma! I am very more aware now! It is often that we realize things only after they are farfetched or never anymore!!!

Thank you all!


Re: A Sad untitled Facial Expression
Posted by: Leicky (---.range81-152.btcentralplus.com)
Date: April 13, 2004 03:16AM

K.Q

"His tragic flaw was impatience,
Harshly defeated by time. "

My question related more to your poetry than life in gereral.
How does "concept of drama" relate to your poetry?

"i fully beleive"

... I am happy you are happy but I wish you would put your I's in upper case, I find false modesty to be mildly oppressive.

Leicky


Re: A Sad untitled Facial Expression
Posted by: Leicky (---.range81-152.btcentralplus.com)
Date: April 13, 2004 03:30AM

heh! or should that be:

happy you are happy but wish you would put your I's in upper case, finding false modesty mildly oppressive.

... sounds like Bridget Jones. smiling smiley


Leicky


Re: A Sad untitled Facial Expression
Posted by: K.Q. (217.144.4.---)
Date: April 13, 2004 01:04PM

Sorry for sometimes assuming that a matter is self obvious. I usually call my poems "...facial expressions". In other words, expressions or reactions or even proactions to real life. Therefore, the original roots of life coact with those of literary form, drama being the god father of them all. And it is so true that while literature, in any genre , is the ficticious manifestation of our living state, it reflects and influences our lives as well. Accordingly, what I try to portray is a state of being within the range between the two, but not limiting, extremes of tragedy and comedy. Hence , our lives are so. I still do not know whether this is clear enough , but words do fail us sometimes!

I don't really get the part about being happy I'm happy!!! but whenever I write an "I" in lower case, be sure it's because I'm in a hurry or miss hitting the shift key unintentionally, not out of any modesty. I do try to be modest , nevertheless, but not in this way: not artificially!

I appreciate curiousity!


Re: A Sad untitled Facial Expression
Posted by: Leicky (---.range81-152.btcentralplus.com)
Date: April 13, 2004 05:23PM

K.Q.

What role does tragedy play in your poetry.
How does "concept of drama" relate to your poetry?

Your aversion to logic here is completely admirable.
No apology required, it is I who is clearly at fault.
Thank you for your time and patience.

Well done!

Leicky smiling smiley


Re: A Sad untitled Facial Expression
Posted by: -Les- (---.trlck.ca.charter.com)
Date: April 13, 2004 08:55PM

K.Q., I will not argue with your choice of words and please let me know and I will make no more suggestions for change. But after reading your explanation above I think perhaps "instilled" might be a better word than "instigate" because of the negative connotations of the latter.

A villain instigates a riot.

A hero inspires, or instills desire in a child.


Les


Re: A Sad untitled Facial Expression
Posted by: K.Q. (212.118.14.---)
Date: April 13, 2004 11:57PM

Dear Les,
I have expressed my point on comments before and again restate: I mean no offence and take no offence in responding or being responded to here! I appreciate your suggestion and wish to always hear whatever you have to say. Need I repeat how much I value your opinion ?! Well, I do very much! I was just trying to explain. I realize the negative connotations of the word. Thanks a lot and please never hesitate to say what's on your mind, for I do not mind!

Dear Leicky,
As long as chanells of communication are open, all is well and well taken! Don't mind. I actually enjoyed responding as it gave me more insight into my own thoughts. The old debate of literature as a reflection of society vs. literature in society was revived in my mind! I side with the latter , of course; and that makes all the difference!! Thanks for all!


Re: A Sad untitled Facial Expression
Posted by: lgreen (---.client.comcast.net)
Date: April 14, 2004 09:26AM

K.Q.: I personally like the word "instigating"--although, the meaning can carry a somewhat negative connotation--it can also mean--insisting and encouraging--I like the way it makes you "ponder" over the word--and not just slide over..............good work! Ell

Ell


Re: A Sad untitled Facial Expression
Posted by: K.Q. (217.144.3.---)
Date: April 14, 2004 01:30PM

Thanks , Igreen. I appreciate your opinion and comment smiling smiley


Re: A Sad untitled Facial Expression
Posted by: Cad (---.strl1201.mi.comcast.net)
Date: April 14, 2004 02:53PM

K.Q. I enjoyed the read, it is imbibes honesty.

Cad


Re: A Sad untitled Facial Expression
Posted by: 8s_are_nice (---.proxy.aol.com)
Date: April 14, 2004 04:01PM

KQ
I liked this poem. you hit it right on. Instigate works for me in the context, though looking closer.. it does seem alittle out of place given the connotations of the word.. but then again maybe you were attempting to use it knowing this hence it has an ironic effect or something.. I dont know.. I'd say it's not a big deal but thats just me.. once again thanks for the phrases and words and pharses and words.. this personally reminded me of a lot of people in my life and I think it's well written and communicated =)


Re: A Sad untitled Facial Expression
Posted by: K.Q. (212.118.14.---)
Date: April 15, 2004 02:29AM

Thanks a lot cad and 8s! I appreciate your responses. I think you hit the nail 8s, as I did mean the"... ironic effect or something." Words, like pain, are personal in their meanings, so , yes, it is not a big deal but to s/he concerned! Thanks again!


Re: A Sad untitled Facial Expression
Posted by: wicked (---.nas10.nashville1.tn.us.da.qwest.net)
Date: April 15, 2004 02:57AM



Beautifully done... & write only as you feel, luv...


wicked


Re: A Sad untitled Facial Expression
Posted by: K.Q. (212.118.14.---)
Date: April 15, 2004 04:47AM

Thanks wicked, supportive as always!
smiling smiley


Re: A Sad untitled Facial Expression
Posted by: lg (---.trlck.ca.charter.com)
Date: August 20, 2004 08:35PM

I really think this one deserves another look.

Les


Re: A Sad untitled Facial Expression
Posted by: Gwydion (---.bchsia.telus.net)
Date: August 21, 2004 01:39AM



I agree Les, for this one got by me.

This touches me like a sad smile:

Now, I see but frozen moments
That once were; now, cease to be.
And I rationalize all I may and can,
But loss in death is personal: my own
Pocket of pain again, spending
From a store of memories mixed
With heartbeats, tears and a lasting smile.


It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. (Aristotle)


Re: A Sad untitled Facial Expression
Posted by: K.Q. (---.118.31.34.ua.batelco.jo)
Date: August 21, 2004 05:51AM

Thanks again Gwyn and Les.




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