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a bleeding facial expression
Posted by: K.Q. (212.118.14.---)
Date: February 16, 2004 08:43AM

Blood

Archaic women bleed to life
At each phase of their journey,
Running rivers of rhythm
To create potential harmony.

The first cycle functions
Through pouring passionate beats
Into hearts that will outlive
Tomorrow’s battles bravely.

Second comes the suckling
Of serum to thrive and drive
Away the spirit of sickness
And death from souls yet budding.

As a result, roses blossom
Upon being birthed to palms of life,
So rigorously rough, that falling petals
Give themselves up to procreating.

Third will come painful intervals.
So regular is this ritual
That thorns pluck layers
Of potentiality out of wombs.

Infertility is not an option
To be chosen, but coerced
By a tribe of futile hope beams.
Love, nevertheless, conquers all.

All women do woe men:
An act of passion to bleed to life;
So why are Archaisms different?
Simply because they are not!

We love, to live,
Not the other way around!


Re: a bleeding facial expression
Posted by: rkm (---.dyn.optonline.net)
Date: February 16, 2004 09:55AM

KQ

This is wonderful! There's so much I enjoyed.

"Archaic women bleed to life" is such a gorgeous image.

And

"That thorns pluck layers
Of potentiality out of wombs."

is such a knowing description of giving birth...or so my wife tells me...

This rocks...

bob


Re: a bleeding facial expression
Posted by: Hugh Clary (12.73.175.---)
Date: February 16, 2004 02:06PM

There is much to ponder here, but I am left unsatisfied. My first problem came with 'archaic (ancient?) women', and the present tense of bleed - it seems an anachronism. Later we get 'Archaisms' being different, which word I usually associate with an expression, such as an archaic phrase, instead of a person.

I liked the word play of alliteration, internal rhyme and pun, but I wondered about the rhythm as well - some lines seem to be trimeter, others tetrameter.

The contradictory,

So why are Archaisms different?
Simply because they are not!

is interesting, but I cannot make the logic work. The supposition being that archaisms were previously argued to be different, but have since been proven to be identical.

The "tribe of futile hope beams" lost me altogether. Perhaps I need to read it anew, but I just didn't 'geddit' the first time.


Re: a bleeding facial expression
Posted by: K.Q. (---.nets.com.jo)
Date: February 17, 2004 08:01AM

Dear Bob,
Thanks for the response. It is very encouraging. I loved the fact that you shared it with your wife!

Hugh,
You have a point in everything you said , as I too "am left unsatisfied". I try to empathize with readers in mind and feel it puzzling too, despite the fact that I know my intentions. Perhaps letting you know that my first draft started with " Arab women..." will clarify matters, but then I changed my mind as I thought-and always do- that a symbolic word broadens possibilities and is more inclusive and less discriminating. I have used this term before "Archaic" to signify a people who are thought to be behind in a racing world of political/military/technological competition in a poem entitled "labeled". As for the rest I leave it to you , if your interest is aroused to give it a second reading.
Thanks a lot for the detailed response.I highly appreciate it!


Re: a bleeding facial expression
Posted by: rkm (---.dyn.optonline.net)
Date: February 17, 2004 08:49AM

KQ

fyi: i definitely thought of "archaic" as inclusive but did not relate it to primitive people in a modern society. for me it represented an "earth-mother" image.

bob


Re: a bleeding facial expression
Posted by: Hugh Clary (---.denver-01rh15-16rt.co.dial-access.att.net)
Date: February 17, 2004 01:11PM

"Archaic" to signify a people who are thought to be behind

Hmmm, mebbe that is the best word, then. I looked around for others, but antedated, antiquated, anachronistic, fusty, outmoded and others all seemed worse.

The underlying idea seems more like downtrodden or oppressed, subjugated or dominated, but I could not find a better synonym in that direction either.


Re: a bleeding facial expression
Posted by: K.Q. (---.nets.com.jo)
Date: February 18, 2004 04:42AM

Bob,
I like your wider interpretation of 'an "earth-mother" image'. It eventually boils down to that , as the negation at the end suggests no difference!

Hugh,
Thanks for putting in all the effort to look up an alternative. I appreciate it!


Re: a bleeding facial expression
Posted by: Shadow of the Light (208.14.26.---)
Date: February 18, 2004 08:38PM

I was confused about what exactly I was reading. I guess
I have sort of figured it out now. I like it, but Hugh raises some good points as always. I am usually inclined to agree with him. Such would be the same with this piece. YOU HAVE A GREAT IDEA, HOWEVER!

~Long is the way, and hard, that out of hell leads up to the light.~

"Show me a hero and I shall write you a tragedy."

I LOVE YOU! (God does too.)


Re: a bleeding facial expression
Posted by: Hugh Clary (---.phoenix-01rh15-16rt.az.dial-access.att.net)
Date: February 19, 2004 02:25PM

K.Q. - were you around when this thread was going on?:

[tinyurl.com]


Re: a bleeding facial expression
Posted by: K.Q. (212.118.14.---)
Date: February 21, 2004 06:33AM

Thanks Shadow for the response!

Hugh,
Thanks a lot for drawing my attention to this thread. No, I was obviously not here at that time, but it is interesting to see all that written. After reading through the thread, it gave me more reason to cling on to the term I have chosen, especially that my point in the end is that suffering , no matter what the sort, is human after all. Only circumstances differentiate the nature of the suffering but humans are human after all; hence,
why are Archaisms different?
Simply because they are not!

We love, to live,
Not the other way around!




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