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Answers
Posted by: K.Q. (212.118.14.---)
Date: December 31, 2003 04:29AM

Hungry for compassion,
My stomach turns and churns.
What is so surprising about another day?

The sun might rise, or not.
The moon might spread some gloom;
But will the thirst of Earth forever last astray?

To find a long lost dream,
Place it at the threshold
Of an altar to be brilliantly sacrificed.

To pay the price of passion,
Pluck it out of a poem
And watch it emit the vapors of ecstasy.

What remains thereafter?
Clouds of ambiguity,
The light by which you celebrate illogical reality!

Happy New Year!


Re: Answers
Posted by: Debutant (---.range217-43.btcentralplus.com)
Date: December 31, 2003 07:01AM

I like it. What's the questions? (only joking)
It is very usual to pose questions but unusual to provide answers. It is good.

Debutant


Re: Answers
Posted by: K.Q. (212.118.14.---)
Date: December 31, 2003 07:23AM

Thanks Debutant. In Arabic there is a saying that goes something like: The answer is inside the sorcerer's mind. The journey of life is loaded with questions and the answers are paradoxically hidden in them! This is more about the answer in the question. Am I making sense?? Thanks anyway!


Re: Answers
Posted by: Debutant (---.range217-43.btcentralplus.com)
Date: December 31, 2003 07:39AM

Yes I do know for one of the lessons I learned in life is that you just have to ask the right question and the answer becomes obvious. The difficulty is then asking the right question.


Re: Answers
Posted by: K.Q. (---.nets.com.jo)
Date: December 31, 2003 07:46AM

Well, did I?


Re: Answers
Posted by: Debutant (---.range217-43.btcentralplus.com)
Date: December 31, 2003 08:22AM

You asked the questions that are relevant to you. :-)


Re: Answers
Posted by: -Les- (---.trlck.ca.charter.com)
Date: December 31, 2003 08:36AM

Interesting poem, I enjoyed it.

Les


Re: Answers
Posted by: K.Q. (---.nets.com.jo)
Date: December 31, 2003 08:49AM

Thanks , Les. I wish I could get more than that from you as a response. I feel you have a different taste in poetry and that's good; but if you don't like anything I'd prefer to hear it rather than " interesting"!


Re: Answers
Posted by: -Les- (---.trlck.ca.charter.com)
Date: December 31, 2003 08:51AM

Usually when I respond by saying a poem is interesting. It means I'm still deciding in my mind what I like about it. If I truly do not like a poem, I will not comment about it at all.

Les


Re: Answers
Posted by: K.Q. (---.nets.com.jo)
Date: December 31, 2003 08:57AM

Is it ok if I ask to be bluntly criticized? It hepls more when you say what you don't like than being silent! I am a good listener and would highly apreciate criticism!
So, now I know which of my poems you didn't like!


Re: Answers
Posted by: -Les- (---.trlck.ca.charter.com)
Date: December 31, 2003 08:59AM

Oh, oh now you know my secret. I'll read this one again and see if I can find some constructive criticism to add. If I think of something, I will post it here later.

You must be a serious writer if you encourage criticism. That's a good thing.

Les


Re: Answers
Posted by: K.Q. (---.nets.com.jo)
Date: December 31, 2003 09:01AM

Sorry for revealing it!!!!!!
Thanks again!


Re: Answers
Posted by: Keeper of Light (---.texoma.net)
Date: December 31, 2003 03:44PM

I don't know about Les. He writes mean things on my poems all of the time. I guess that means he likes me.

Lovely poem. I really liked it. It was (interesting!) he he he he he! I'm an mental invalid. No worries mate!

Happy New Year!


"Loving people is like farting in the wind; You don't actually accomplish anything, but you feel better."

~The Great and Powerful Angelia~


Re: Answers
Posted by: -Les- (---.trlck.ca.charter.com)
Date: December 31, 2003 03:50PM

No, Critic, is mean. I'm just honest (even though I must admit I do like you keeper in all your silliness.) Your youth and vitality are an asset to the forum.

K. Q. I found something to criticize. This line I think needs reworking:

But will the thirst of Earth forever last astray?

You should either change "last" to "lead us", or change "last astray" to "last".


Les


Re: Answers
Posted by: K.Q. (217.144.11.---)
Date: January 01, 2004 06:15AM

I always do appreciate honestly,no matter how mean. Yes, Les, this is the line I feel most uncomfortable about. How does this sound:

Hungry for compassion,
My stomach turns and churns.
What is so surprising about another day?

The sun might rise, or not.
The moon might spread some gloom;
But will the thirst of Earth dry a soul astray?

To find a long lost dream,
Place it at the threshold
Of an altar to be brilliantly sacrificed.

To pay the price of passion,
Pluck it out of a poem
And watch it emit the vapors of ecstasy.

What remains thereafter?
Clouds of ambiguity,
The light by which you celebrate illogical reality!


Re: Answers
Posted by: -Les- (---.trlck.ca.charter.com)
Date: January 01, 2004 02:28PM

K. Q. "astray" means "off the path". "Dry a soul astray." simply does not make sense. You could use "drive the soul astray".

Les


Re: Answers
Posted by: K.Q. (212.118.14.---)
Date: January 03, 2004 04:07AM

Dear Les,
I do know what astray means. I was just trying to be creative. A half pun perhaps?! "dry"="drive" !!There is such a technique in Arabic literature. But since you got the idea and suggest "drive" as a better alternative, I'll go for it, unless you can offer me a better one with some negative connotation cause that is what I want to add!
p.s. imagination doesn't have to make sense all the time!

Hungry for compassion,
My stomach turns and churns.
What is so surprising about another day?

The sun might rise, or not.
The moon might spread some gloom;
But will the thirst of Earth drive a soul astray?

To find a long lost dream,
Place it at the threshold
Of an altar to be brilliantly sacrificed.

To pay the price of passion,
Pluck it out of a poem
And watch it emit the vapors of ecstasy.

What remains thereafter?
Clouds of ambiguity,
The light by which you celebrate illogical reality!




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