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Confusion
Posted by: K.Q. (---.nets.com.jo)
Date: October 28, 2003 07:13AM

Confusion

I wonder why blossoms
Can defy winter's chill.
Fruiting answers in motion,
Despite the will of the wind!

Yet humans cannot defeat
A simple summer's breeze.
That fragile we are against
Blossoming, being just us!


Re: Confusion
Posted by: Talia (216.117.99.---)
Date: October 28, 2003 01:27PM

If you wanted...you could make the first and the fourth lines rhyme simply by rearranging the works a little.

I like this. (thumbs up)


Re: Confusion
Posted by: K.Q. (---.nets.com.jo)
Date: October 29, 2003 01:30AM

How, Talia? Your suggestions are most welcome!



Post Edited (10-29-03 01:44)


Re: Confusion
Posted by: Talia (216.117.98.---)
Date: October 29, 2003 02:03PM

Instead of "despite the will of the wind", you could say despite the wind's chill".

I wonder why blossoms
Can defy winter's chill.
Fruiting answers in motion,
Despite the wind's will.

Maybe if you choose to use this you might want to consider changing the other stanza to come up with a rhyme instead. I think you have chosen some very beautiful imagery here. I love the contrast of winter and blossoms.


Re: Confusion
Posted by: D-a-d (---.2-136-217.adsl.skynet.be)
Date: October 31, 2003 06:02PM

analyse it until it blossoms no more.




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