Goto Thread: PreviousNext
Goto: Forum ListMessage ListNew TopicSearchLog In
Confusion
Posted by: K.Q. (---.nets.com.jo)
Date: October 28, 2003 08:13AM

Confusion

I wonder why blossoms
Can defy winter's chill.
Fruiting answers in motion,
Despite the will of the wind!

Yet humans cannot defeat
A simple summer's breeze.
That fragile we are against
Blossoming, being just us!


Options: Reply To This MessageQuote This Message
Re: Confusion
Posted by: Talia (216.117.99.---)
Date: October 28, 2003 02:27PM

If you wanted...you could make the first and the fourth lines rhyme simply by rearranging the works a little.

I like this. (thumbs up)


Options: Reply To This MessageQuote This Message
Re: Confusion
Posted by: K.Q. (---.nets.com.jo)
Date: October 29, 2003 02:30AM

How, Talia? Your suggestions are most welcome!



Post Edited (10-29-03 01:44)


Options: Reply To This MessageQuote This Message
Re: Confusion
Posted by: Talia (216.117.98.---)
Date: October 29, 2003 03:03PM

Instead of "despite the will of the wind", you could say despite the wind's chill".

I wonder why blossoms
Can defy winter's chill.
Fruiting answers in motion,
Despite the wind's will.

Maybe if you choose to use this you might want to consider changing the other stanza to come up with a rhyme instead. I think you have chosen some very beautiful imagery here. I love the contrast of winter and blossoms.


Options: Reply To This MessageQuote This Message
Re: Confusion
Posted by: D-a-d (---.2-136-217.adsl.skynet.be)
Date: October 31, 2003 07:02PM

analyse it until it blossoms no more.


Options: Reply To This MessageQuote This Message


Goto: Forum ListMessage ListSearchLog In
Sorry, only registered users may post in this forum.
This poetry forum at emule.com powered by Phorum.