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Lend Me a Dream
Posted by: K.Q. (---.nets.com.jo)
Date: October 26, 2003 05:38AM

Lend me a dream
And I'll give you in return
A piece of my spirit
To fly!

Lend me a dream
And I'll give you to keep
A piece of my soul
To love!

Lend me a dream
And I'll give you to hold
A piece of my flesh
To touch!

Lend me a dream
And I'll give you to give
A piece of my heart
To feel!

To fly,to love,
To touch,to feel,
Lend me a dream
To live!


Re: Lend Me a Dream
Posted by: J.H.SUMMERS (---.chartertn.net)
Date: October 26, 2003 06:12AM

K.Q.,

I like the sentiments expressed in the poem. Good ending.

jhs


Re: Lend Me a Dream
Posted by: JP (---.tnt1.rochelle.il.da.uu.net)
Date: October 26, 2003 09:51AM

I liked all of this except S4 - and I'll give you to give.

JP


Re: Lend Me a Dream
Posted by: Brucefur (---.bchsia.telus.net)
Date: October 26, 2003 09:58AM

K.Q.

Pleased to meet you at last.

This poem read like a Villanelle in Free Verse to me. Was that your intent?


Re: Lend Me a Dream
Posted by: -Les- (---.trlck.ca.charter.com)
Date: October 26, 2003 10:43AM

A good one K. Very unique style you have.

Les


Re: Lend Me a Dream
Posted by: M.P. (---.resnet.stonybrook.edu)
Date: October 26, 2003 03:24PM

I like the style of this poem very much. But I'm sure if I like the contant use of the word "piece". Not only is it too repetitive, it also doesn't go well with "soul" and "spirit". The first line is repetitive too, but it's a good line, and it's the key to the poem, "a piece of" are just supporting words. It works with flesh, because flesh is something you can touch, in fact, that's where "piece" should be used. But "a piece of soul", and "a piece of spirit" just don't sound very good.

You may want to change them to something like:

Lend me a dream
And I'll give you in return
The wings of my spirit
To fly!

Lend me a dream
And I'll give you to keep
A star in my soul
To love!


Re: Lend Me a Dream
Posted by: K.Q. (---.nets.com.jo)
Date: October 27, 2003 01:21AM

Thanks to all; I apppreciate your feedback.
Brucefur, very educating question. I had to look up the term"villanelle" . Interesting, but no, it was not my intent. I am more of a romantic who believes in the spontaneous flow of feelings poured on paper. Any other comments?
K.Q.




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