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"What I Wish I Had"
Posted by: Lady of the Night (---.proxy.aol.com)
Date: October 04, 2003 06:22PM

Half-melted candles burning dimly
as sweet, opium incense fills the room.
Radio playing, turned down low while
a seventeen year old puts on her mascara,
her reflection framed by snapshots of friends.

The long, cherry-finished dresser
cluttered with memorabilia of her
so-called life is what reassures
her that nothing could threaten her
security.

Security...

A sense of self that I never possessed.
A strength of character I didn't know I had,
or what to do with it if I did.
It's what I crave today,
what makes me yearn for my
sixteenth year, when I was hot,
cultured, feasting on life, passion,
art and history.

Here I am, eighteen years old,
searching my present for what
I wish I had in my past, and
regretting that I didn't take
a firmer grasp on myself.
Somewhere along the line,

I got lost.


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Re: "What I Wish I Had"
Posted by: dreambabe (---.cpe.net.cable.roger)
Date: October 05, 2003 01:09AM

a good narrative piece, enjoyed!


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Re: "What I Wish I Had"
Posted by: Lady of the Night (---.proxy.aol.com)
Date: October 05, 2003 01:31AM

Thank you, I'm glad you liked it.

- Lady of the Night


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Re: "What I Wish I Had"
Posted by: John Poff (---.cpe.mountaincable.net)
Date: October 05, 2003 01:51AM

Great visuals. I really enjoyed this piece. -John Poff


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Re: "What I Wish I Had"
Posted by: -Les- (---.trlck.ca.charter.com)
Date: October 05, 2003 02:37AM

Lady, I think the poem would be stronger without the last line. Just include "somewhere along the line" with the sentence before it.

Les


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Re: "What I Wish I Had"
Posted by: Lady of the Night (---.proxy.aol.com)
Date: October 05, 2003 03:28AM

Thank you, John and Les. And I agree, Les, about your suggestion. I had been considering that myself.

Lady of the Night


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Re: "What I Wish I Had"
Posted by: skip (---.proxy.aol.com)
Date: October 05, 2003 07:34PM

The poem was great, I particularly like the fact that it's understandable. But I sure hope you're not really lost at eighteen.


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Re: "What I Wish I Had"
Posted by: northcountrywoman (---.client.attbi.com)
Date: October 05, 2003 10:21PM

Lady--as John said, you did a great job with the visuals. I like the vivid details--putting on mascara with her reflection framed by snapshots of friends. You've written it with an 18 year old persona looking back at age 16, but it could speak to any age person looking back at a time of greater happiness or security.


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Re: "What I Wish I Had"
Posted by: Talia (216.117.99.---)
Date: October 06, 2003 12:22PM

so your lost? well not too late to get found....but hold out.


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Re: "What I Wish I Had"
Posted by: Gwydion (209.53.139.---)
Date: October 06, 2003 12:27PM



Great visuals Lady. a well written piece that depicts most of us at one time or another.


It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. (Aristotle)


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Re: "What I Wish I Had"
Posted by: illudiumphosdex (---.try.wideopenwest.com)
Date: October 06, 2003 02:45PM

Eloquently stated, and it has a snapshot feel, a frozen moment. At 18, you have wisdom beyond your years (I thought only of the future when I was 18...oh, and girls, booze, etc.).


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Re: "What I Wish I Had"
Posted by: Lady of the Night (---.proxy.aol.com)
Date: October 07, 2003 08:43PM

Lol, illudium. Thank you, everyone, for your thoughts, time, and appreciation.

What I was trying to convey, and I really don't think I did, was that I wish that I had HAD that strength of character and security that the seventeen-year-old spoken of in the beginning had. See, when I was that age, I didn't burn candles, have snapshots, or even wear makeup. But I wish I had. I really don't think that I portrayed this. Does anybody have any suggestions on how I could?

Lady of the Night


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Re: "What I Wish I Had"
Posted by: Echo5 (---.c3-0.wrx-ubr1.sbo-wrx.ma.cable.rcn.co)
Date: October 12, 2003 01:06AM

Hmmm... I don't really have any suggestions, but I really like this poem... I agree with the snapshot feel that illudium mentiond...but i disagree on the leaving he last line out. I think it's rather nice at the end there, seperated but tying it off. I definatly think that the yearning for that seventeen year old's life is very apparent, but you might want to stick it out a bit more. Dont know how, though. Good job.
Paz y amor
~Echo


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Re: "What I Wish I Had"
Posted by: Terry (---.fuse.net)
Date: October 12, 2003 06:48PM

Glad to see you back. Like the piece.
Love
tlj


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Re: "What I Wish I Had"
Posted by: KTA (---.dial.entanet.co.uk)
Date: October 12, 2003 07:03PM

This poem could be the reminiscence of anyone at any age. It's great!


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Re: "What I Wish I Had"
Posted by: Lady of the Night (---.oaklandlibrary.org)
Date: October 14, 2003 09:21PM

Thanks for your comments and suggestions, guys. I'm glad you appreciate it smiling smiley Anyone else?

Lady of the Night


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