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For "You Know Who"
Posted by: Lady of the Night (---.oaklandlibrary.org)
Date: September 10, 2003 09:03PM

I was surprised at my eagerness to read of you today
when I stepped out to the bus stop,
literary folder in hand. This is where I follow
my favorite poets into their world,
it is where we stand,
figurative cigarette in hand.
It is where we left off.

The poem reads better than
the memory you left me with
(why did you stop writing?) -
outstanding green eyes
piercing my own, assuring me
you would believe no lies.

I couldn't have had you,
teased you about the picture you have
that resembles your favorite writer.

Whether or not we met earlier,
our lives are very different, mine being an empty
mason jar, hollow and transparent
without substance.

Reading you now, causes
a feeling of warmth, yet distance.
Revived is a sense of the past, of an intrigue
I once possessed.
Impossible to explain.

Especially when I remember you
looking at me, with the
same green eyes that
you looked at me with then.


- Respective credit to the person this poem is dedicated to. He knows who he is (or should, anyway!)

- Lady of the Night


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Re: For "You Know Who"
Posted by: Terry (---.75.217.210.Dial1.Seattle.Level3.net)
Date: September 11, 2003 01:32AM

I don't care who it's to. I'm just happy to see your name again.
Besides, my eyes are blue.


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Re: For "You Know Who"
Posted by: -Les- (---.trlck.ca.charter.com)
Date: September 11, 2003 02:15AM

I know who, but I don't know why. Care to fill us in?

Les


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Re: For "You Know Who"
Posted by: J.H.SUMMERS (---.chartertn.net)
Date: September 11, 2003 07:31AM

Dear Lady,

Enjoyed the poem, it's good to have you back again.

jhs


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Re: For "You Know Who"
Posted by: Brucefur (---.bc.hsia.telus.net)
Date: September 11, 2003 12:19PM

Hey kiddo,

I was actually online yesterday when you peeked in, but by the time that I saw you had been there, you had just left tongue sticking out smiley

This poem is very good. Well written and tight. There are a few lines that could use a bit of a twig, but I am not going to get into that here.

Your work continues to improve Nutmeg. Well done. Mwah!

How goes the Job search?

Love ya;
Brucefur
PS: btw everyone, Lizzie and Ben have returned to my site and are doing well. No word on how Sargirl is doing, other than that she is okay. Thought that you would all like to know. winking smiley


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Re: For "You Know Who"
Posted by: JayM (---.sympatico.ca)
Date: September 11, 2003 06:06PM

Bravo, Meg.

Bravo!


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Re: For "You Know Who"
Posted by: Lady of the Night (---.oaklandlibrary.org)
Date: September 11, 2003 07:05PM

Hey everyone!

Yeah, I'm back, I guess tongue sticking out smiley Kind of. I don't have a lot of computer access during the week, and when I have it on the weekend, I don't feel in the mood to do anything other than check to see if anyone's in the Cosmic Chat. Don't ask me why, I do not know.

Anyways, I was out job hunting yesterday, actually, at an interview for a staffing company (they accepted me, and they'll start finding jobs for me. Woohoo!), and I had to wait, in the miserably hot sun, on a bench for the bus.

I have an old, beat up folder mended with duct tape (and in need of some more) in which I keep my favorite poems, as well as poems I've written that haven't made it to my poetry notebook. In this folder are copies of "Beautiful Monster" (I'm sorry, I don't remember who wrote it, but it was posted on this forum some time ago) and a copy of "Old Friend." Some of the older members of this forum may or may not remember it. It was written by Jay.

So I'm sitting there on the bench, waiting for the bus, and I decide to look through the folder and read some poetry, when I come across "Old Friend." It reminded me of times past when I used to frequent this board all the time, and was always anxiously looking for anything new of Jay's, or even a comment of his on an old poem he may have written (Yeah, yeah, I'm a fan... [not obsessed!] But he's worthy).

While this poem may not mean anything to anyone who hasn't read "Old Friend," I figured I'd take a shot at "re-writing" it to fit the memories I was filled with as I read it.

Terry,

Your eyes are blue, are they? Interesting... I'll see what I can do.

Les,

Umm... see the above. And congrats on knowing "who." Means you have taste winking smiley

JHS,

Thanks much. Good to be back!

Bruce,

Some lines need a bit of a twig? Mine or his? Lol. If you have any suggestions on how to improve it -- being sure that Jay's lines are in each stanza -- feel free to shout. God knows I've shouted at your work tongue sticking out smiley

Jay,

Bravo? Well, I hope you like it. Not intended to be a masterpiece to anyone (even myself). Only as a tribute? Why do I feel so vulnerable all of a sudden... Argh! Feelings!

Thanks everybody!

- Lady of the Night


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Re: For "You Know Who"
Posted by: -Les- (---.trlck.ca.charter.com)
Date: September 11, 2003 07:47PM

Lady, are you living in Oakland now, or are you still in San Francisco?

Les


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Re: For "You Know Who"
Posted by: Lady of the Night (---.oaklandlibrary.org)
Date: September 11, 2003 08:13PM

Les -

What day is it? Lol. I live in Oakland, but I spend each weekend and the beginning of each week in Daly City, with Angelito. I've been spending too much time over there lately, so I've decided to start going there Saturday evening and return Tuesday afternoon, but this weekend I'm leaving tomorrow as early as I get bored at 'home,' because Jaime is supposed to come over Fri or Sat to say goodbye before he leaves for job corps. on Treasure Island. Plus, tomorrow's Angelito's payday, and his first paycheck since his raise! And virtually no bills this week! Woohoo!! Pizza!!! Lol. Actually, I bought a Dark Chocolate Fudge Slim-Fast yesterday for breakfast, and now I'm hooked... I'm craving a chocolate drink so bad. Another reason to go early tomorrow: I can get a free one at his Starbucks winking smiley

Long/thorough enough answer for ya?

ducks to avoid Bruce's virtual slap on the wrist

- Lady


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Re: For "You Know Who"
Posted by: Brucefur (---.bc.hsia.telus.net)
Date: September 12, 2003 01:05AM

lol raps Lady's wrist for giving out too much personal info on the WWW And here you were doing so well dear. tsk tsk.

Dark Chocolate fudge eh? And now you are craving it? Not surprising; we all NEED serotonin (the happy, I am in love drug that is in chocolate), but slim fast? What do you need that for? Last I heard, you weren't even eating right. So PIFFLE! (just thought I would get that in advance of your rebuttal. tongue sticking out smiley

Starbucks the black plague aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Runs screaming off of the screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen...


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Re: For "You Know Who"
Posted by: Brucefur (---.bc.hsia.telus.net)
Date: September 12, 2003 03:16PM

Nutmeg,

I have done a critique on this, and I will post it here, but only if you post this one on the Advanced forum in Cosmic. I am assuming of course that you had Jay's permission to use some of his lines and that this isn't plagiarised?

Once you have put it up in Cosmic I shall then post my critique both here and there.

Till soon,
Brucefur


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Re: For "You Know Who"
Posted by: Lady of the Night (---.proxy.aol.com)
Date: September 12, 2003 08:16PM

Actually, um, I didn't have Jay's permission. That's why I gave him credit at the end of the poem, saying that some of the lines weren't mine. Once Jay gives me permission to keep them, I'll post them on Cosmic groans Cosmic is a pain... well, MSN is a pain. Go to Hotmail, sign in, leave the window open but get another one and go to Cosmic, click the Enter link, find wherever you guys put the list of forums, click advanced, click New.... oi!

But I'll do it if it makes you feel better. And Jay should probably give his permission to critique it anyway, since it's partially his, though I doubt he'd mind. After all, he put "Old Friend" up for critique. Not that I'm speaking for him!

Slim Fast IS good for you! 220 calories and 24 vitamins and minerals. And basically, I was craving a chocolate drink; be it a chocolate malt or Slim Fast, and I figured Slim Fast was way healthier.

And no, I don't eat right. Vegetables are disgusting. I eat them in fried rice, though! And I eat onions on my burgers, and... potatoes are fantastic, and I like carrots.... I just won't eat a salad. Sue me!

- Lady of the Night

p.s. Double piffle!


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Re: For "You Know Who"
Posted by: silent siren (---.ber.dial.de.colt.net)
Date: September 13, 2003 07:42PM

Hey Milady,

I'd rather click myself to death on the cosmic forums than not knowing what kind of poetry I'll get like here.
This one reminded me of Brecht - much prose, but less harsh.
Like it!

silent siren

smiles from the coast


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Re: For "You Know Who"
Posted by: Ian Beaumont (---.ipt.aol.com)
Date: September 14, 2003 06:51PM

Hey Lady,

Good to see you again, its been too long since we had a good online discussion.

This is nice, but a little too 'incestuous', too many references that have meaning for others, but none for me. Some of your other works have been far better.

Ian B


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Re: For "You Know Who"
Posted by: Lady of the Night (---.proxy.aol.com)
Date: September 16, 2003 05:28PM

'Incestuous'?? I don't know about there in your land, but over here, that means "sex within blood relatives." In which case, this poem has nothing to do with that! And yes, I agree that this isn't my best. It was, as I stated, a tribute of sorts (though extremely unworthy).

Siren,

You've got a point... maybe I'll start clicking myself to death over there smiling smiley

Lady of the Night


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Re: For "You Know Who"
Posted by: Ian Beaumont (---.ipt.aol.com)
Date: September 25, 2003 07:08PM

Lady of the Night,

Yes, incestuous does mean that, but in the radio industry, it also means an in-joke, something that has no general meaning outside of a few people. That's what I meant by 'incestuous'. This poem has very little meaning to me, but a few people here will probably understand it a lot better than I do.

Ian B


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Re: For "You Know Who"
Posted by: Kellygirl (---.kp.org)
Date: September 25, 2003 07:31PM

This is really good...it had my attention from beginning to end. Something I am not always able to do....Glad to see your're back! kam


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Re: For "You Know Who"
Posted by: Lady of the Night (---.va.neustar.com)
Date: September 29, 2003 12:07PM

Ian -

Thanks for clearing that up. You're right, only a few people would really get/understand this, and they would be the people that've been a longtime fan of Jay's work, as this incorporates many of his lines, which brings me to

Kam -

Thanks for reading and liking smiling smiley As I've stated before, I can't take all of the credit. Half of it is Jay's, as half the poem is his!

Thanks again, everyone. I probably won't be commenting much on poems, since there are so many, and I haven't really been feeling into it. When I write something new, I'll post it here, and if someone has a particular poem they'd like me to read and/or crit, just let me know smiling smiley

Lady of the Night


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Re: For "You Know Who"
Posted by: gnarfleshnarf (---.HIP.Berkeley.EDU)
Date: October 02, 2003 03:44AM

great poem. i don wanna soud stupid, but it kinda seems to me that yer writing to Poe. i know yer not, but hey, thass just me.

snark-18 going on 5


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Re: For "You Know Who"
Posted by: Lady of the Night (---.tys.bellsouth.net)
Date: July 01, 2004 01:21PM

Jay,

I was wondering if I could have permission to post this on Cosmic, please.

Lady of the Night

I never conquered, rarely came, sixteen just held such better days.


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Re: For "You Know Who"
Posted by: jaymo (216.129.203.---)
Date: July 02, 2004 11:41AM

of course Meg, it's your poem.

Jay


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Re: For "You Know Who"
Posted by: Lady of the Night (---.tys.bellsouth.net)
Date: July 03, 2004 12:30AM

But it has some of your lines and words, so I wanted to make sure I had your permission. Thank you.

Megan of the Night

I never conquered, rarely came, sixteen just held such better days.


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Re: For "You Know Who"
Posted by: JohnnySansCulo (192.168.128.---)
Date: August 28, 2006 11:51PM

a polite canadian spammer?


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Re: For "You Know Who"
Posted by: Brucefur (192.168.128.---)
Date: August 29, 2006 01:06PM

lol. didn't you know, Johnny, Canadian's are always polite. winking smiley

Except, um... She's a little late, the election was in January, the wrong guy won, none of them fought with conviction; it was all the same old spin doctoring, blah, blah, blah.

CSIS and the RCMP recently arrested 17 terrorists who had planned on kidnapping and beheading the PM. This would have been REALLY bad, because then Canadians wouldn't have been allowed to forget about the wanker, even after he loses the next election (praying to God on that one)!

By the way, Nutmeg, I still think that this is a great poem and now I am going to go look up old friend and give it a bump and a comparison so that I can actually see which lines were something borrowed and which something new. winking smiley

Brucefur


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Re: For "You Know Who"
Posted by: redmittengirl (192.168.128.---)
Date: August 29, 2006 01:23PM

lady-

i am a total newcomer to this site and hope i am not stepping into a tight circle, but i wanted to tell you that your poem "for you know who" was something i could totally relate to, even though i don't know who. the poem stands strong without me needing to know the story behind it.

redmittengirl


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Re: For "You Know Who"
Posted by: Brucefur (192.168.128.---)
Date: August 29, 2006 01:33PM

Well, Nutmeg, I just did a comparitive scan of both the poems, and only found two lines that were verbatim from Jay's piece, all the rest were modified into your own voice, which only serves to make me more impressed with this piece.

The two lines in question, being:

"the memory you left me with"

and

"mason jar, hollow and transparent" (too bad that one wasn't yours, because it is an awesome line! Obviously you thought so too, or you wouldn't have kept it intact like that) winking smiley

Truthfully, this is really a response poem, written as if Jay's poem had been written to/for you and you are writing him a reply. It is very skillfully done and you have several strong lines of your own in here, namely;

"iterary folder in hand. This is where I follow
my favorite poets into their world,"

"figurative cigarette in hand." (lol pretending to act cool, are ya?)

There is a sort of awkwardness to the wording in the last stanza, but perhaps that is appropriate for a young woman, unsure of the world she is in, thinking of a man she admires.

And I agree with ya, "incestuous," is RUDE. Bloody brits eh, don no English! hehehe. *waves to Ian.

Brucefur


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Re: For "You Know Who"
Posted by: Lady of the Night (192.168.128.---)
Date: August 29, 2006 03:59PM

Thank you for the time and response, Bruce. I think there were a few more that mirrored Jay's work, but as I said earlier, I'm a fan. Wish he'd come around more often, but you know... as a correction, Jay's probably the only one who knows what I'm talking about, but I don't think the picture I referred to is of a writer! I could've sworn so, but I can't find work by the man, so maybe not so much.

Redmittengirl,

Welcome to the board! And you're not stepping into a tight circle. Once upon a time, all on the board were very close, and some of us still are. We've lost a few vets, but many are still around. The man I wrote this poem about peeks in now and again (his SN is Jaymo, you can find his work all over the board), but used to be very active in writing and critique. He's wrapped up in photography now, his other love, and hopefully doing well. Good to have you! I'm glad you liked this and could relate smiling smiley

Lady of the Night

I never conquered, rarely came, sixteen just held such better days.


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Re: For "You Know Who"
Posted by: jaymo (192.168.128.---)
Date: August 29, 2006 04:37PM

I thought I knew who it was about, now i'm not so sure.


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Re: For "You Know Who"
Posted by: Brucefur (192.168.128.---)
Date: September 01, 2006 03:27AM

Nutmeg,

I thought that you were on some yoghurt diet. Looks to me like you are eating WAY too much spam than is good for ya. winking smiley winking smiley winking smiley

Brucefur


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Re: For "You Know Who"
Posted by: Lady of the Night (192.168.128.---)
Date: September 03, 2006 08:32PM

Why do you say you're not so sure?

Lady

I never conquered, rarely came, sixteen just held such better days.


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Miroslawa Nastula
Posted by: Miroslawa Nastula (192.168.128.---)
Date: September 05, 2006 03:57PM

You site very nice. Thanks owner.


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Re: For "You Know Who"
Posted by: JohnnySansCulo (192.168.128.---)
Date: September 05, 2006 04:04PM

We don't thank the owner often enough.

I'd feel lost without being able to come here.

Thank you owner !


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