In this old dream
I sit
Relaxed
Unconcerned
Just me and the chair
Then I blow it
I open my eyes
And then
POW

Nothing stretches around above below
Inky blackness in the powdery wild
Not free but bound and howling
Trapped in a room I would measure by miles
Lashed to the world with a handful of smoke
Feeling the stars and their fine razor tails

Trying my best not to look at the walls
Blinking and popping black and white fuzz
My cannibal eyes chewing up spitting out
If these gas house bonds will not break then I must
Sifting through secrets and coming up dry
Earsplitting crackle and white vapor trails

Corner to corner I sail through the room
All hope is lost on a slender thread
Dirty black notions I cannot deny
Bucking and shouting but already dead
And whose eyes do you think have been watching all along
From a chair in the room with my screams and my wails

I sit
Relaxed
Unconcerned
Just me and the chair

I wish good luck to the chair.

Very interesting. Sounds like a person tweaking to me...

des

very cool concept illudium!
was it hard to write?

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. (Aristotle)

Percival: Thanks for reading it. Don't know what you mean, though...

Desire: Thanks for the comments. I like bits that have that "just tweaked" feel to them. But no, I will explain below...

Gwydion: Thanks as always for your kind comments. It took me longer to write than usual. I had to get on a plane Tuesday night, and I wrote the opening, S1 and S2 while I was waiting to board. I wasn't trying to rhyme, but I realized that I had rhymed L2 & L4 in S2, and L6 in S1 & S2. So I needed to keep that up, plus I wanted a third stanza before the ending. S3 was the hardest, to bridge S2 and the closing.

To explain: I have had this recurring nightmare ever since I was a kid. I have no idea what it means, but it only comes back about once a year or so. It freaks me out so badly that I wake up yelling and usually can't sleep for a couple of days. I had a couple of lines ("Lashed...", "Blinking...") and I decided to tackle this nightmare.

I really need some feedback on this from anyone who cares to comment. What did you like, or not like, about it? I feel like I'm still trying to develop a style.

Thanks all...



Post Edited (08-14-03 16:06)

Illudiumphosdex,

Sorry to hear that it is a real nightmare...but I liked the Twilight Zone feel to it. One thing I like about your work is the word usage:

inky blackness
sifting...coming up dry

Sounds like an acid trip gone bad. Not intended to make light of the situation...I have nightmares myself and wake up screaming from time to time. Keep reading and writing, you'll settle into a style or styles sooner or later.

jhs

At first I really didn't understand it till I thought about it as a dream. Then I pictured like a range in a full moon. And you as a wolf tied to the chair... shrug Was awesome to picture and has created much inspiration.

I do like it, Illudiumphosdex, my comment was meant in a good way. I enjoy the abstract, unsual wording you used.

desire

Enjoyable! I wish that you people would share your dreams with me. I am one of those odd people who can never remember dreams. This one sounded interesting. Great Poem.

"Loving people is like farting in the wind; You don't actually accomplish anything, but you feel better."

~The Great and Powerful Angelia~

Thank you for the explanation illudium, i'm sorry it's painful but way to deal with it!!

I too have a recurring dream, but not sure if it qualifies as a nightmare, it just seems to hang w/me for a few days and then goes away until i dream again...

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. (Aristotle)

J.H.: You made my day. Thanks for your kind words. I want to get serious about what's right and what's wrong about the poems I've done so far. It's the only way to get better.

Percival: Awesome. I want vague meaning in my poems. Sadly, I rarely get to hear the feedback on what people think. Glad I was able to provide inspiration, however unintentional it was. Can't wait to read what you come up with.

Desire: No big deal. Thanks for your feedback. I want to hear all that's good and bad about whatever "style" I might be developing.

Keeper: Thanks for taking a look. Unfortunately, this is, most likely, the only poem you'll ever see from me about a dream. I, too, never remember my dreams. Well, not "never." There's one that involves a high-speed rollercoaster ride, speeding through the tops of New York skyscrapers, in pursuit of Kelsey Grammer and the stolen Sunglasses of Power. (This is an actual dream.)

Gwydion: Recurring dreams suck, don't they?

I had the awesomest dream last night, but I can't remember it anymore....only that a gorgeous guy was saying a poem to me, but I only remember the end:

I taught you the splendor of nakedness
The joy of multifarious love
But the beauty of your heart
Was always your own.

Cool, huh? I was on a high all day. Just wanted to share it with someone.

desire

Good one, I don't know how I missed this one earlier.

Les

Here you go Peter, read the second paragraph of this article:

wikipedia: duck dodgers in the 24 1/2th century


Les

Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 02/21/2013 12:58AM by les712.

I watched some of the episodes today. They are the silly kind of funniness I enjoy. I remember seeing some of them a while back since I more of a Daffy duck fan than Donald...

Duck Dodgers is an American animated television series, based on the classic cartoon short Duck Dodgers in the 24½th Century, produced by Warner Bros. Animation from 2003 to 2006. The series aired on Cartoon Network and starred Daffy Duck as the titular character. It currently airs in reruns on Cartoon Network's sister network, Boomerang.
(C) Warner Bros Animation 2003-2006
Many thanks to the original developers. Original TVCap by Conopida.

[www.youtube.com]

Bob was a good writer, I'm going to bump some more of his writing later on.

Les

he sure was. and the interesting thing was that his responses to comment were so often marked by humility.