User Submitted Poetry
 Interested in feedback about a piece you've written? 

eMule -> The Poetry Archive -> Forums -> User Submitted Poetry


Goto Thread: PreviousNext
Goto: Forum ListMessage ListNew TopicSearchLog In
Atrophy
Posted by: Lady of the Night (---.proxy.aol.com)
Date: July 09, 2003 05:01PM

I'm not sure who I am anymore.
Have I given myself -
all of me -
to you? This is something I swore
I'd never do again, for fear of
losing control - but I'm not
neurotic about it.

To lose control of yourself and
your life means that you are
no longer yours. And if that isn't
scary enough...

Every time we fight,
I cry a little less.

Every time you look at me that way,
I recede a little farther.

Every time I pout,
I feel a little more guilty.

Every time the tension rises,
my pain floods over.

I'm spinning around and around,
slower and slower, my head
in my arms, eyes closed and
looking at the floor.

I'm slowly spiraling...

I'm slowly dying...

The fire is out.


Lady of the Night


Re: Atrophy
Posted by: -Les- (---.trlck.ca.charter.com)
Date: July 09, 2003 11:27PM

Lady, great poem. Are you still in California?

Les


Re: Atrophy
Posted by: Lady of the Night (---.proxy.aol.com)
Date: July 10, 2003 02:07AM

Hey Les, thank you. Yup, I'm still in Cali.

I'm too lazy to edit the poem, plus the computer is hecka slow, so for future reference:

"Every time you look at me that way,
I recede a little farther into myself."


Anyone else?

Lady of the Night


Re: Atrophy
Posted by: J.H.SUMMERS (---.chartertn.net)
Date: July 10, 2003 07:24AM

Dear Lady,

Enjoyed the poem, very introspective. Good ending.

jhs


Re: Atrophy
Posted by: desire (211.75.91.---)
Date: July 10, 2003 11:16AM

Love this poem, Lady. Great work!

Desire


Re: Atrophy
Posted by: Lady of the Night (207.62.246.---)
Date: July 16, 2003 06:22PM

Thanks, guys. Any other comments?? Jay? Bruce? Anyone?

(Man, that sounds desperate).

Lady of the Night


Re: Atrophy
Posted by: -Les- (---.trlck.ca.charter.com)
Date: July 16, 2003 09:40PM

There is no desperation in wanting to improve!

Les


Re: Atrophy
Posted by: Percival (---.humboldt1.com)
Date: July 22, 2003 01:59AM

That kinda sucked smiling smiley I mean you write some good stuff and that wasn't up to par thinks I. But who am I to complain? FREE POETRY!!!!


Re: Atrophy
Posted by: Brucefur (---.bc.hsia.telus.net)
Date: July 23, 2003 01:20AM

Gee Jaguar, you won't be calling this one simplistic would ya? lol j/k

Hi Nutmeg,

Sorry for any delay here, just been crazy busy of late (just wrapped up the folk fest weekend where I worked 47 hours in a 3 day period), so I haven't done anything other than eat and transit to and from the site.

As far as the poem goes, I think that it is strongest at the end, but could use some serious work in the beginning; if you want to.

If you are just wanting to vent, then it succeeds fine just as it is.

On a side note. The person that he fell in love with is you; remain true to yourself and you will be just fine.

Love ya Nutmeg,
Brucefur


Re: Atrophy
Posted by: Percival (---.humboldt1.com)
Date: July 23, 2003 02:31AM

No I wouldn't, but you just did!! Nanners!!!


Re: Atrophy
Posted by: silent siren (---.dip0.t-ipconnect.de)
Date: July 23, 2003 05:56AM

heyheyhey! Milady! smiling smiley

Did you know I still have your signature plate as a desktop background? Made me wonder yesterday where you might lurk around now, and what and how you are doing...

I just want to give nice greetings here!

siren
hugs ya


Re: Atrophy
Posted by: Lady of the Night (---.proxy.aol.com)
Date: August 03, 2003 02:02PM

Hey guys! I haven't been to eMule in ages. Thank you for the compliments. Nanners, Jaguar? Whatever you say tongue sticking out smiley Siren, I don't come online much anymore. I'm wrapped up in... well, whatever else there is in life, lol. That, and where I live now, there's no computer. So I have to wait 'till I visit Angelito before I can use it.

DarkCloud calls me, and I canNOT figure out how to catch anything when I go fishing, so I'm off to the chatrooms.

Talk to y'all later, and thanks again!

Lady of the Night

P.S. Why do you say it needs work in the beginning? Curious, not defensive tongue sticking out smiley


Re: Atrophy
Posted by: Ian Beaumont (---.ipt.aol.com)
Date: August 29, 2003 07:44PM

Hey Megan, how are you doing? Sorry for not being around, but my life has not really been my own in the past couple of months. Sorry for coming to this poem late, but to my mind, that first line is so intensely powerful, and for me, meaningful

"I'm not sure who I am anymore"

I have to say this, I don't know who I am anymore either. As a soul, I feel lost to the world. I don't know what to do, where to go, who to be even. There are so many aspects of my personality, and I am not even sure if I can cope with them all. They all want their time, moments that I just can't seem to find. The poet, the artist, the writer, the audio producer, the video producer, the web site producer, the retailer, all these aspects and others are slowly pulling me apart, and I don't know how to cope, what to do...

...runs off crying, disappears for a moment, then comes back...

I... I'm sorry, I do so much, I can do much more, but I just seem to be sinking under the weight, and I don't know how much more I can take. There are expectations on me from a few quarters, and I don't know if I can fulfill them.

Sorry, I've rambled on, but I hope you are coping better than I am. I really like your poem, gets off to a strong start, and manages to keep it up right until the end, very emotional.

Ian B


Re: Atrophy
Posted by: Terry (---.dialsprint.net)
Date: August 30, 2003 12:09AM

Missed you Lady. I like this one too.


Re: Atrophy
Posted by: Brucefur (---.bc.hsia.telus.net)
Date: August 30, 2003 01:21PM

Ian,

I feel somewhat the same at the moment myself, so I hear you, but at least Synny keeps me in line lol.

I talked to Nutmeg last night; she is feeling the same as you too Ian. She is rooming with an older lady in San Fran whom she doesn't relate to very well, and has been hitting the pavement and looking for work now that real life has begun.

She is, over-all doing pretty well I think, if she can just avoid the funk.

She only has computer access from the library (for short periods) and at Quietdreamers house, but I am sure that she will be back around at some point.

Sincerely,


Re: Atrophy
Posted by: Ian Beaumont (---.ipt.aol.com)
Date: August 30, 2003 04:54PM

Man, I miss her infectous enthusiam and prescence. I miss her so much, that it hurts. It hurts almost as much as I miss the love that I once knew.

Damn, why does life almost always seem to hurt, one way or another?

Now there is a question.

Ian B




Sorry, only registered users may post in this forum.
This poetry forum at emule.com powered by Phorum.