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Posted by: Terry Johnson (
Date: January 20, 2003 11:15AM

Boyhood Wish
By Terry Johnson

When I was young, I thought of slaughter,
Of the self, I was remorse,
I did nothing of the deed
To live on was, the only course.
I took to danger, all my life,
I dared the fates, ďyou canít kill me,
I will stare you in the face,
And Satanís eyes, I dare to see.

I jumped from airplanes in the sky,
I fought in wars in foreign lands,
I took people out to freedom,
From behind Eastern German bands,
Some who met me, passed this life,
And left it by my own device.
I danced with Thanotos each evening,
Survived being wounded twice.

But then I found the sunset pleasing,
To sit and watch it with my wife,
As the night came on like silence,
Knew the value of the life.
The golden of the eastern sky,
When the day brought new to see
Was the promise that more joy,
Would grace the world , just for me.

I still worked at testing danger,
Fought the fires from the air,
But, I had turned to be more caring,
And gone it seemed, was need to dare,
I felt Iíd grown to be a man,
Strong, and honest in my deed,
Doing work most can not do,
Charioteer of iron steed.

A fire started in my bowels,
A pain that seared, would not be quenched,
It seemed that happiness Iíve found,
From my life would now be wrenched,
The pain was growing in my side,
It felt as if I were on fire,
The doctor looked with solemn eyes,
You have achieved boyhoods desire.

Malignancy,, pancreas, colon, liver.


Re: boyhood
Posted by: JP (
Date: January 20, 2003 11:42AM

No Terry! Not you!
God what can I say.
Please say this is just another poem.

Re: boyhood
Posted by: Salma Kamran (
Date: January 20, 2003 12:25PM

well terry looks like you found desire in your family. you became more caring when your life took a course turn, after getting married, and seeing new life form right in front of you is when you changed your perception of life, though other things never change!


Re: boyhood
Posted by: steve espinosa (
Date: January 20, 2003 01:44PM

This poem is a thought in all of our minds as our maturity marches on.
Well put......and most understandable...

Re: boyhood
Posted by: Les (
Date: January 20, 2003 03:01PM

It is often questioned by the ignorant and foolhardy why some men value God, family, friends, good health and good times above material wants and needs.

At times like this described in your poem, the realism of faith in our God and our life's deeds do indeed matter. Our legacy is what we have done, how we have treated our family and friends and how we have helped make the world a better place.

Terry, you have helped make the world a better place. God bless you!


Re: boyhood
Posted by: Terry Johnson (
Date: January 20, 2003 04:08PM

Wish it were JP... wish it were.


Re: boyhood
Posted by: lgreen (
Date: January 20, 2003 10:08PM

Terry: Bad News...this is bad news---the test is a piece of cake--the results---well--it depends on the results. I am so sorry-

You have the biggest fight of your life to face--God love you and help you and yours to deal with whatever follows...........

tears are falling..........


Re: boyhood
Posted by: J.H. SUMMERS (
Date: January 21, 2003 02:35AM

Terry, I started and re-started a response to this piece over and over again, but what does one say? I am very sorry about the news it conveys and want you to know that Jackie and I are thinking of you and are praying for you. May the spirit of our Heavenly Father give you and yours courage and comfort in the days ahead. jhs

Re: boyhood
Posted by: JP (
Date: January 21, 2003 03:22AM

My last poem ended with these two lines-

...Sometimes sorrow needs reminders,
Not to overlook the good.

So in my sorrow for you, and your family, I'm trying to remember the good.
I am so glad that I have been privileged to know you through this forum.
You have been a source of humour, inspiration and courage, and I pray these will help you get through this. I got into the habit of looking for your comments about the poems I posted, you always had the nicest things to say.
So from your favorite English poet....
I love you Terry Johnson, thankyou for being.

Re: boyhood
Posted by: Terry Johnson (
Date: January 21, 2003 09:55AM

Thank you all. JP,, I have grown to love you too. You have such a wonderful spirit.
It does my heart good to see all the references to God and prayer. I strongly believe in both.
Please know, I am not done. I was born tough and I've stayed tough. First thing they are going to do is take a slice off my liver. Then, a chunk of the large intestine. (I won't need a bag). Then pump me so full of poison that no mere cancer can live. As Mr. Thomas said, "Do not go gentle into that good good night." I will not.


Re: boyhood
Posted by: Brucefur (
Date: January 21, 2003 04:11PM

Terry old boy, don't give up yet!

I have something that I wish to send you, something I have been writing on and off for years now, and although in recent years it has been simply gathering the information and not compiling it into the text, none the less it has been progressing.

It is a health guide and was inspired by a man that I know, who in '78 was told that he had cancer, and only six months to live. Terry, he was doctor, and he said they were wrong. He is still alive today Terry, AND cancer free.
So no giving up here.

If it is truly your time, and God needs you eslewhere, why that is one thing, but I would like to call to your attention the parable of the talents. Invest your hopes Terry, and you will profit threefold, but do not bury them.

There is a lot of quite understandable doom and gloom going on here right now, and if I let myself, I too will sorrow for a good friend, but frankly, until that flag is draped I am not ready to believe that you can't make it through this.

First off Terry, you will need to give up all meat, start cooking with only olive oil (which is one of the best anti-carcinigens out there, which by the way, saved my dog Taboo from a malignacy two years ago). Eat lots of cabbage, yams, carrots, and other things that are high in Beta carotene. You can still eat sushi, as long as you avoid the salty stuff, and the Marlin.

Anyway. I will start work on my guide again, but will mail you what I have in the mean time. Hate to say this buddy; but no more coffee saucered and blowed... 'tis tea time for you Terry, from this point forward.

You are a warrior. Time to fight the good fight!

With love,

Re: boyhood
Posted by: Noloco (
Date: January 22, 2003 03:09AM

See then i ask some is it really what you want a knife at the wrist,but truely there are those like you out there with troubles like this and complaints,or wants to die,but to those who do this should be them. Even though i do not wish it upon anyone it didn't have to be you. Good luck Terry you are a good person. Also very talented. Nice poem.

"To write something, you have to risk making a fool of yourself." Anne Rice

Re: boyhood
Posted by: Terry Johnson (
Date: January 22, 2003 10:51AM

Thank you all. The operation is today. They are going to try to do both the liver and intestine. Letcha know.


Re: boyhood
Posted by: lgreen (
Date: January 22, 2003 11:17AM

Hey Terry---just because I shed a tear did not mean I thought all is lost...when one receives "bad" news---one must grieve at the news
and accept and then prepare for battle............

here is Ell praying for you
and crossing my fingers and my toes


Re: boyhood
Posted by: JP (
Date: January 22, 2003 11:24AM

Remember the B&O boys, tough critters.
You'll take a piece of my heart with you.
Expect to be hearing from you soon.

Re: boyhood
Posted by: JP (
Date: January 22, 2003 11:36AM

Ell, I found this quote that struck me.

"Grief is not a problem to be cured. It is simply a statement that you have loved someone." ~ Barbara Baumgardner

Re: boyhood
Posted by: lgreen (
Date: January 22, 2003 12:08PM

exactly JP--thanks for sharing---Grief is something to accept---it is a part of one's existence---and it is because you care! hugs Ell

Re: boyhood
Posted by: Merc (75.211.162.---)
Date: December 27, 2008 02:02PM


Obviously the pancreas was misdiagnoised, or I'd be reading this from a cloud,, or a furnace room.

Anyway, it's much sooner caught this time. And less is planned to fix it.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/27/2008 02:04PM by Merc.

Re: boyhood
Posted by: redmitten (71.36.194.---)
Date: December 27, 2008 02:15PM

what do you always say to us? ya done good, ya done real good.

good poem from a good man.

like i said before...

Re: boyhood
Posted by: UPMarty (24.247.69.---)
Date: December 28, 2008 02:52AM

If what I understand you to be saying is so, Terry, godspeed for treatment and full recovery. Good thoughts and prayers go out to you.


Re: boyhood
Posted by: les712 (68.185.69.---)
Date: December 28, 2008 03:37AM

I second what Mary said Terry, sounds like you and your doctors are doing the right thing. We wish you a speedy recovery.


Re: boyhood
Posted by: JohnnyBoy (24.189.156.---)
Date: December 28, 2008 03:41AM

Positive thoughts your way, Terry, that everything will work out

Re: boyhood
Posted by: hpesoj (69.116.241.---)
Date: December 28, 2008 08:11AM

We'll be praying for you in church today and will continue until I hear you've kicked cancer's butt once again, which you will do.


Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/28/2008 08:12AM by hpesoj.

Re: boyhood
Posted by: lifeisbutadream (94.249.9.---)
Date: December 30, 2008 06:22AM

I too add to the wishes and prayers for your recovery soon, Terry. Be well!!


Re: boyhood
Posted by: petersz (69.181.22.---)
Date: December 30, 2008 09:35AM

Terry [Merc],

Every moment, what is it the Romans used to say?...carpe diem...human life is always a work in progress...I go to three or four funerals every five or six months and remind my friends that our friends live with us, it is our responsibility to keep them in the world when they pass, through what we do as well as in our memories...but I am not good with death...up close, I hate the bastard (as Hawkeye used to say)...but all that talk is just talk and premature...I think you, like me, have known living in and through the present, creating the future to live in for years now...If you decide to go, I will be diminished.

"The secret worlds are not regenerated.

And every time again and again
I make my lament against destruction."

Yevgeny Yevtushenko, "People"

btw, Merc, don't let anybody write a premature obituary for you. We in this forum have witnessed that the world has quite a bit to deal with in its struggle with you these last five years.

be well,


Re: boyhood
Posted by: Merc (75.209.173.---)
Date: December 30, 2008 04:54PM

Let no man write my epitaph. When my nation shall take her place amongst the nations of the earth.......... oh wait, that has been done.

My emptiph should read, "If you can read this, and see anyone else, he is not where he wishes he was"

Thanks ya'll. I'm not a quiter. But Carol and I have had the conversation that if this goes south, I will fight with all that is in me, however, when I tell her the fight is over, she is not to be selfish. She is to let me go. I do not fear death, I only fear loss of life.

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