User Submitted Poetry
 Interested in feedback about a piece you've written? 

eMule -> The Poetry Archive -> Forums -> User Submitted Poetry


Goto Thread: PreviousNext
Goto: Forum ListMessage ListNew TopicSearchLog In
Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Lady of the Night (66.231.192.---)
Date: December 06, 2002 10:57PM

Take my hand, o faithless one,
and believe in what can be.
Climb with me to the highest mountain
and breathe to the whisper of silver stars.
Gaze down upon the world laid out,
blanketed in dusk and twinkling lights,
shadowy blue whisps of cobweb clouds
catching all the fireflies within their dreams.

Silhouettes stroll down the cobblestone,
amongst the silent falling snow;
peaceful serenity surrounding us all,
weaving wonder throughout our minds.
Wrap arms of warmth around yourself
against the chilly midnight air;
puffs of our frozen breath swirling,
entwining each other in a ritual dance.

Hark! and pay attention to
the secret words upon your ear,
for so speaks the angel in disguise,
Promising dust of sparkling light
to illuminate the way to go.


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Brucefur (---.ca.shawcable.net)
Date: December 06, 2002 11:13PM

Nutmeg,

This is beautiful! What were you doing; looking at your reflection in a store window while Christmas shopping? ;o)

Seriously, I am proud you here, for you have formed something of intangible wonder with this.

You had mentioned that it was coming, and it was well worth the wait.

Love,
Brucefur


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Noloco (---.vp.centurytel.net)
Date: December 07, 2002 12:59AM

Very nice poem. I really enjoyed it. It was grrrrrreat. tongue sticking out smiley I swear i didn't take that from tony the tiger.

"To write something, you have to risk making a fool of yourself." Anne Rice


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Jaguar (---.hu.sd.cox.net)
Date: December 07, 2002 01:06AM

Like Bruce and Noloco said, great poem. For smoe reason I can't find myself focusing on it though. humph

Fire And Ice~


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Sargirl (---.maine.rr.com)
Date: December 07, 2002 01:32AM

I can!
Wow!
This really fits with this time of year!
Wonderful!
Oh, and I looove the word hark! It is just not used enough!
Sarah


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Lady of the Night (66.231.192.---)
Date: December 07, 2002 09:12AM

Thanks guys grinning smiley I'm actually proud of this one, with a couple of hitches, naturally smiling smiley And 'course I wasn't looking at my reflection while Christmas shopping, Bruce! Lol, I don't Christmas shop winking smiley But thank you. I must say I was writing this about me, and for once... it's not depressing grinning smiley I'd love to write more back, but I'ma wait for some more feedback, plus I'm using Justin's time on the computer.

Jaguar, any particular reason why you can't find yourself focusing on it?

Lady of the Night


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Lady of the Night (66.231.192.---)
Date: December 07, 2002 11:56AM

And yes, Sarah, I love that word, too! I think this is the first time I've used it, but the line "Hark! and listen to..." kept repeating in my head. Then I changed it, obviously, but it wouldn't go away, so I took that as a good thing grinning smiley

Lady of the Night


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: JP (---.tnt1.rochelle.il.da.uu.net)
Date: December 07, 2002 12:16PM

This reminds me of an old fashioned winter scene, the ladies in their bonnets, and the gentlemen in their long coats, strolling down the cobbled streets arm in arm. Like the Victorian Christmas cards one sees. Nicely done Lady.
JP


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Lady of the Night (66.231.192.---)
Date: December 07, 2002 12:18PM

Thanks, JP grinning smiley That's kind of the idea I was trying to get across in the second verse, except with a bit of a more modern twist, though not too modern. Glad you liked it smiling smiley

Lady of the Night


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: J.H. SUMMERS (---.proxy.aol.com)
Date: December 07, 2002 12:21PM

Dear Lady, Enjoyed the poem very much, word choice was great and the painted picture was lovely. I understand the Christmas thing as a lot of my friends are in your camp, perhaps I could share my thoughts on it with you sometime. Yeah, hark is a good one. jhs


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Lady of the Night (66.231.192.---)
Date: December 07, 2002 12:30PM

Our camp? grinning smiley Sure thing, though I can't add you to any messenger lists... father's rules... but if ya wanna start a thread we can discuss it there?

Lady of the Night


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Terry Johnson (---.tnt1.alamagordo.nm.da.uu.net)
Date: December 07, 2002 04:16PM

Verry nice. very very nice. Been a while since this calibre was presented. Thank you.

Terry


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Lady of the Night (66.231.194.---)
Date: December 07, 2002 05:50PM

This calibre? What's a calibre, and to what are you referring? But thanks for the compliment grinning smiley Glad you enjoyed smiling smiley

Lady of the Night


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Holding Mercury (---.proxy.aol.com)
Date: December 07, 2002 09:32PM

Very good, I liike the use of hark in there also. GREAT JOB!


Keep writing, this is excellent, I didn't even find something that I didn't like and that saying something!

Love, Peace, and krusty krabs


C.A.Z.

-Oxide Slain


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Lady of the Night (66.231.193.---)
Date: December 07, 2002 10:08PM

NO krusty krabs!! Not on my thread! Lol, j/k. If you really want them krusty ol' things... well... each to his own grinning smiley And thanks for the compliment! Nothing you didn't like? Wow... I'm the same way, I can usually find SOMEthing I don't like in a poem, and plenty in my own laughs easily I've got a bunch of stuff on this site spattered here and there... most of it usually isn't up to par with this, though. You may like "Intellectual Intercourse" though. I'll dig it up for ya here in a lil bit if ya want smiling smiley

Lady of the Night


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Brucefur (---.ca.shawcable.net)
Date: December 07, 2002 11:54PM

Oh sure, go ahead and self promote! tsk tsk!


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Percival (---.hu.sd.cox.net)
Date: December 08, 2002 12:16AM

it's too much good lol


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Percival (---.hu.sd.cox.net)
Date: December 08, 2002 12:18AM

oh lol the first line just lost me completely... that can't be good


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: albert meyburgh (---.bc.hsia.telus.net)
Date: December 08, 2002 02:17AM

hark! hark! hark!
hark! hark! hark!
hark! hark! hark!
hark! hark! hark!

-by me

try saying irish wristwatches

outloud grinning smiley!!


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Lady of the Night (66.231.195.---)
Date: December 08, 2002 11:05AM

LMAO! I can't do it!! LOL... tries and fails miserably And what do you mean, too much good, Jaguar? Want somethin negative? I got some o' that... And Bruce, he said keep writing, so I thought he'd like somethin else! And come on now, where's your detailed critique of this? I spend forever on your poems, lol. Great input, Albert grinning smiley

Lady of the Night


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Sargirl (---.maine.rr.com)
Date: December 08, 2002 12:41PM

I can't either!!!!
Ahhh!


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Lady of the Night (66.231.195.---)
Date: December 08, 2002 12:42PM

Lol!

Lady Meg


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Brucefur (---.ca.shawcable.net)
Date: December 08, 2002 05:17PM

Nutmeg,

I see nothing obvious that leaps to mind that you should change. So far to me it's all good!


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Lady of the Night (66.231.194.---)
Date: December 08, 2002 05:38PM

Yes, but what is good about it?

Lady of the Night


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Holding Mercury (---.proxy.aol.com)
Date: December 08, 2002 05:38PM

LOL, albert, I can't get close.... I say irish ristratch....lol....


Love, Peace, and Krusty Krabs!

-Oxide Slain


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Lady of the Night (66.231.194.---)
Date: December 08, 2002 05:40PM

I say irish risht... and then end up laughing.

Lady of the Night


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Zev Bellringer (---.ipt.aol.com)
Date: December 08, 2002 09:16PM

Very nice poem. sweet, clean, crisp night. It makes me wish i was the one sitting there and breathing the frosty air. If i contain an amount of depression it makes me jealous to have that scene. A positive poem can induce negative feelings...
Zev


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Lady of the Night (66.231.195.---)
Date: December 08, 2002 09:27PM

Interesting response... and a first that I've had so far. Very interesting. Doesn't one who might feel that way want to feel the positive bad enough to achieve it?

Lady of the Night


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Zev Bellringer (---.ipt.aol.com)
Date: December 08, 2002 10:42PM

Yes. inspires me to pray and read the Bible winking smiley

Zev


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Percival (---.hu.sd.cox.net)
Date: December 08, 2002 10:45PM

Take my hand o faithless one, I have different faith then the kind I believe you mention so I hate it.... I hate it because of the church, so I hate the followers, so I hate the believers. But I understand it so I can't hate em too much


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Sarah Ann (---.proxy.aol.com)
Date: December 09, 2002 12:31AM

You hate beleivers?


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Lady of the Night (66.231.195.---)
Date: December 09, 2002 12:35AM

Well if you'd STOP JUMPING THE GUN you might see that I didn't mean the faith to be religious. Sheesh! So quick to judge.

I meant faith in possiblities, not religious faith. And the 'angel' in this poem doesn't necessarily have to be religious, either. Instead, it's just a person in your life (well, I wrote it about me) who loves you and takes care of you, and guides you through life. Certainly you know somebody like that. A friend, girlfriend, mother, father... anyone who you respect and know personally.

"Faith is believing in the things unseen, and we walk by faith, not by sight."

Lady of the Night


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Sarah Lenarz (---.halls.colostate.edu)
Date: December 09, 2002 01:06AM

Lady- I loved this one! such a nice scene- kind of reminds me of a scene in the "muppet christmas Carol" winking smiley ...and by the way....I can only say "irish whisht..." before I start laughing. winking smiley
I really liked the fourth line in the first stanza- "wisper of silver stars" sooo pretty! The only thing that I would change (personal prefference only, not major thing...) is the "amongst" in the secoind line of the second stanza. To me that word implys that the subject ( the snow) has a sense of humanity, like if you're amongst something you that something is equal to you...something like that anyway. Just one of those weird in my own mind connections, though. winking smiley Maybe "amidst"...I'll just read it in my head that way winking smiley Otherwise: Completely georgous holiday happy twinkling warmth! grinning smiley
great job!
Sarah, lover of all things even slightly Christmas related...


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Lady of the Night (66.231.195.---)
Date: December 09, 2002 01:46AM

Thanks! I'll give consideration to "amidst"

What does everyone else think about that?

Lady of the Night


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Brucefur (---.ca.shawcable.net)
Date: December 09, 2002 10:16AM

Lady,

I think that Sarah Lenarz is correct and amidst both sounds and works better over all.


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Lady of the Night (---.unet.maine.edu)
Date: December 09, 2002 10:26AM

Take my hand, o faithless one,
and believe in what can be.
Climb with me to the highest mountain
and breathe to the whisper of silver stars.
Gaze down upon the world laid out,
blanketed in dusk and twinkling lights,
shadowy blue whisps of cobweb clouds
catching all the fireflies within their dreams.

Silhouettes stroll down the cobblestone,
amidst the silent falling snow;
peaceful serenity surrounding us all,
weaving wonder throughout our minds.
Wrap arms of warmth around yourself
against the chilly midnight air;
puffs of our frozen breath swirling,
entwining each other in a ritual dance.

Hark! and pay attention to
the secret words upon your ear,
for so speaks the angel in disguise,
Promising dust of sparkling light
to illuminate the way to go.


Yes, I think I like it better that way, too. Any other suggestions? Constructive criticism? A plain "you suck"?

Lady of the Night


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: silent siren (---.dip0.t-ipconnect.de)
Date: December 09, 2002 12:44PM

Before I read all of the comments,

MILADY!

One of your best things of late I have read, oh my, am I late on this one!
It is stellar. After four months I finally find a poem again which makes me ache for its beauty and imagery, Bruce with his queer-titled last revision on Phantom/Serendipity began it, now it is you leading up, the whole poem is one breath and one thought.

How I love it.
Damn, how I love it.

silent siren
bows down before ye


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: silent siren (---.dip0.t-ipconnect.de)
Date: December 09, 2002 12:51PM

Hum...this one in Londinium...?
irish wristwatches! irish wristwatches! irish wristwatches!

...and now try to say Streichholzschächtelchen... (little box of matches...)

lol, we used to make the French ones mad with this one!

;-)
siren


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: kellygirl (---.kp.org)
Date: December 09, 2002 01:45PM

This is spactacular Lady...I am envious of your ease at free-verse imagery! Not one of my specialties. Just beautiful...kam (:


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Brandon (---.we.client2.attbi.com)
Date: December 09, 2002 05:15PM

wonderfully beautiful. worthy of praise.

as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Lady of the Night (66.231.193.---)
Date: December 09, 2002 05:42PM

Thanks guys! smiling smiley And I am flattered, Siren. Someone who writes as beautifully amazing poetry as yourself, liking something of mine so much?? I'm floored.

I'm only just recently working with imagery, Kam. My older work has very very very very very little imagery, if any. But I'm glad you like it grinning smiley It is kind of easy, if you sit down and say "Okay, there are going to be images" and when you come to an idea, think "how can I describe this?" and go through adjectives in your mind. Relax, and let the poem write itself.

Hey Brandon! Been awhile grinning smiley Thanks for the compliment. Where ya been?

Lady of the Night


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Lady of the Night (66.231.193.---)
Date: December 09, 2002 06:06PM

Oh, and "...illuminate the way to go" I borrowed from a poem Angelito wrote for me. blushes sheepishly I give credit where credit is due...

Love you, Angelito.

Lady of the Night


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Lady of the Night (66.231.193.---)
Date: December 09, 2002 06:09PM

I hereby officially dedicate this poem to Angelito Aguilar Jr., with love. smiling smiley

- Megan Amanda


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Quiet Dreamer (---.proxy.aol.com)
Date: December 11, 2002 04:14AM

Awww... I love you, Megan Amanda. smiling smiley

Love to all, but more to Megan
~Angelito, aka Quiet Dreamer

PS Hi everyone! I'm still alive


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Quiet Dreamer (---.proxy.aol.com)
Date: December 11, 2002 04:14AM

Awww... I love you, Megan Amanda. smiling smiley

Love to all, but more to Megan
~Angelito, aka Quiet Dreamer

PS Hi everyone! I'm still alive


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Quiet Dreamer (---.proxy.aol.com)
Date: December 11, 2002 04:16AM

Did it twice for emphasis tongue sticking out smiley


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Lady of the Night (---.unet.maine.edu)
Date: December 11, 2002 09:31AM

Lol, you're crazy. And where's my critique?? No pressure tongue sticking out smiley

Lady of the Night


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Ian Beaumont (---.cache.pol.co.uk)
Date: December 12, 2002 08:29AM

Oh, Megan,

Such beauty in the written word. Nothing is wrong, everything about the poem just shouts out the perfection of the written word, the feelings, the images, the story, it's all there. Everything works. You don't read this poem, you feel it, you live it.

Warm congratulations on a poem that has as much beauty as you do, and you are so beautiful, as I'm sure the Dreamer will happily testify to.

Ian B


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Brucefur (---.ca.shawcable.net)
Date: December 12, 2002 08:38AM

Tsk, tsk, Lady stole a line! :-O Shocking really!

I agree Ian, this one is VERY good.


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Lady of the Night (66.231.194.---)
Date: December 12, 2002 02:31PM

I must say, I think this is my favorite of all my poems. "Intellectual Intercourse" used to be, but it got old tongue sticking out smiley Lol. Though it still ranks in the top five or so. That shocking, Bruce? Lol. Know what? Lol, I've been mulling over the idea of this poem for the longest time, and couldn't spit it out. Then I saw your Phaeder's Poetry Picks and I felt a teensy bit jealous, and I wanted a poem on there! So I put forth some effort, worked on it for an hour and a half (longest ever, probably) and this is what became of it smiling smiley

Thank you, Ian smiling smiley I love your comments, I look forward to them, and I smile at their honesty. You have this rawness about the way you talk, and nothing is hidden, it's all out there in the most obvious ways. I hold your opinion in such high respect, and if you like a poem, it brings a big smile to my face, and if you don't, a furrow to my brow and I kinda leave the poem alone. Thank you for your thoughts, truly. peck on the cheek

Lady of the Night


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Brucefur (---.ca.shawcable.net)
Date: December 13, 2002 05:28AM

Nutmeg,

Whether or not you have anything up on my Phaeder's Poetry Picks, you will always be on my top five people list!
I am glad that you felt driven to achieve something grand in order to reach your goal, and I am happy for whatever small part my thread may have played in that, but I want you to know from the bottom of my heart, that you are an amazing young woman. You impress me all of the time, and even when you exasperate me, you still manage to make me proud of you.

You are;

Smart,
strong,
funny,
talented,
sensitive,
compassionate,
honest,
special,
and lovable always!

If you were to fail high school (don't!), never pursue college or university, never work in the field of photography which you dream of, but spend your life working in a hamburger factory instead; I would still love you and be proud of you.
There is absolutely nothing that you could ever do to disappoint me, except change who you are, to satisfy others (which I know Angelito would never ask of you. So Angelito, I am proud of you too!), but even then, I would still love you dearly.

With love,


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Percival (---.hu.sd.cox.net)
Date: December 13, 2002 06:29AM

Lol, nope. I lack one of those~


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Lady of the Night (---.unet.maine.edu)
Date: December 13, 2002 09:10AM

Awwwwe.....! I can't write more cause the bell is about to ring, but I'll write more in a few minutes.... smiling smiley

Love you,
Megan


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Lady of the Night (---.unet.maine.edu)
Date: December 13, 2002 09:43AM

Hey Brucie,

sigh I'm back laughs weakly Just kinda kinda went off over on Twilight. Mais vous savez c'est la vie, n'est-ce pas? Anyways. I'm flattered that you think so highly of me. Sometimes I think you shouldn't, and sometimes I'm glad you do. Could I change your mind anyway?? Nope; and thank you for that. Oi.. I honestly don't know what to say, Bruce. You've rendered me speechless. Thank you.

Jaguar, you lack one of what? A diploma?

Lady of the Night


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Lady of the Night (66.231.193.---)
Date: December 15, 2002 05:41PM

Dooby doo.. bringing it back up to the top since I'm recruiting a couple people (hopefully!)

Lady of the Night


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Lady of the Night (66.231.194.---)
Date: January 02, 2003 05:45PM

We've got a few new faces around here, and people who may not have read/critiqued this, so I'm just bringing it back up in case anyone wants to smiling smiley

Lady of the Night


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Salma Kamran (---.houston.rr.com)
Date: January 02, 2003 05:50PM

silver tears


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Terry Johnson (---.tnt1.alamagordo.nm.da.uu.net)
Date: January 03, 2003 01:16AM

Calibre??
It actually is most often used as size of a gun... such as .22 calibre,, or the 44 Jack mentioned when Bruce and I were chasing the horrible mountain chipmunk in his ditty.
But, I don't know if it has come to mean, or originally meant status, standing or ability.
"A person of that calibre would never lie"

"A poem of that calibre is wonderful to read"
"A person of a lesser calibre is not one I would want to take to dinner"

Terry


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Lady of the Night (---.unet.maine.edu)
Date: January 03, 2003 09:00AM

Silver tears? Calibre? What brought this on?

Lady of the Night


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Brucefur (---.ca.shawcable.net)
Date: January 03, 2003 03:24PM

Lady, Terry was responding to a previous question that you had posed;

Author: Terry Johnson (---.tnt1.alamagordo.nm.da.uu.net)
Date: 12-07-02 15:16

Verry nice. very very nice. Been a while since this calibre was presented. Thank you.

Terry,,, Fighter of Fires, Vagabond and Aviator of Extraordinary Competence and Dubious Morals.


Reply To This Message


Re: Angel in Disguise
Author: Lady of the Night (66.231.194.---)
Date: 12-07-02 16:50

This calibre? What's a calibre, and to what are you referring? But thanks for the compliment grinning smiley Glad you enjoyed smiling smiley

Lady of the Night


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Lady of the Night (---.unet.maine.edu)
Date: January 03, 2003 04:48PM

Ohhhhh!!! For some reason, I was thinking I was still in "I Cry, too" and I couldn't make sense of anything! Oooooo....

Thank you, Terry grinning smiley

Lady of the Night


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Kielan (---.cg.shawcable.net)
Date: January 05, 2003 08:47PM

I like the piece very much, too, Lady.

K.


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Lady of the Night (---.unet.maine.edu)
Date: January 06, 2003 12:27PM

Thanks much, K. smiling smiley Any specifics or suggestions?

Lady of the Night


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Lady of the Night (66.231.192.---)
Date: May 02, 2003 09:00PM

Jay,

Again, your thoughts would be appreciated.

Lady of the Night


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Jay M (---.yorkton.com)
Date: May 05, 2003 04:21PM

I like this poem. Very much, actually.

It is rich with imagery, which I like, as you are well aware.

I wondered at first if there was a bit too much imagery, and concluded that
since it all ties together nicely, that it was fine. My favourite lines are:

S1/L7 - love the "cobweb clouds"...very nice.
S2/L7 - "puffs of frozen breath swirling"...very interesting imagery at work here. Initially, I had a problem with anything frozen being "puffed" and at the same time "swirling", but after reading it over a few times, I realized that with enough imagination, it works! Nicely done.

My "not so favourite" lines:

S1/L1 - I'm not in love with the "o faithless one" bit, but if you must keep it, I think you should capitalize the "O".
S3/L1 - Get rid of "Hark". It's too corny.

Take my hand, o faithless one,
and believe in what can be.
Climb with me to the highest mountain
and breathe to the whisper of silver stars.
Gaze down upon the world laid out,
blanketed in dusk and twinkling lights,
shadowy blue whisps of cobweb clouds
catching all the fireflies within their dreams.

Silhouettes stroll down the cobblestone,
amongst the silent falling snow;
peaceful serenity surrounding us all,
weaving wonder throughout our minds.
Wrap arms of warmth around yourself
against the chilly midnight air;
puffs of our frozen breath swirling,
entwining each other in a ritual dance.

Hark! and pay attention to
the secret words upon your ear,
for so speaks the angel in disguise,
Promising dust of sparkling light
to illuminate the way to go.

Finally, notice how my favourite and non-favourite lines were the same? Both faves were L7's and both non-faves were L1's. WEIRD!

Jay


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Lady of the Night (66.231.193.---)
Date: May 05, 2003 06:32PM

Lol! Jay, you notice the smallest details, I swear. One of the reasons I wanted you to critique these. I didn't even think of whether or not something frozen could be puffed and swirling. I was thinking frozen, because when you can see someone's breath, isn't it miniscule frozen drops of water? I may be wrong on that; not sure. Glad you liked it.

With the "cobweb clouds," I was trying to find a way to describe the thin, wispy kinds (the scientific names fails me), without saying "thin whisps of clouds" or anything like that. I just focused on the mental image I had, and came up with "cobweb clouds." I'm glad you liked it.

I can't get rid of "Hark!" I just can't. "Hark! And pay attention to" was one line that had been playing in my head for days, and I had to get it down on paper. That's one of the foundational lines of this poem, at least for me, when I read it, if not for anyone else. "O faithless one..." Well, that's a typical "me" style, when I'm pretending to be off in a dreamworld. I speak in my version of olde english. Umm.. for example when I tell someone "fare thee well and good night" or "sweet dreams to you, of midnight skies and me in your arms" or some such. Kind of the dreamy-drama stuff. I gotta keep the "O faithless one," and I'll capitalize it. Besides, don't angels "hark"...? "Hark, the herald angels sing..."

Lady of the Night


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: William B. (---.west-palm-beach-02rh15rt-fl.dial-access.att.net)
Date: May 10, 2003 06:15PM

The poem is beautiful, but I can't imagine fireflies on a cold, snowy night!


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Lady of the Night (---.unet.maine.edu)
Date: May 20, 2003 02:43PM

It isn't necessarily the same night. It's two different experiences. Did I fail to express that?

Lady of the Night


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Lady of the Night (---.unet.maine.edu)
Date: May 20, 2003 02:43PM

It's meant to show that this relationship goes on over a long period of time, and that the two of them go through many things together. Again.. did I fail?

Lady of the Night


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: -Les- (---.trlck.ca.charter.com)
Date: September 06, 2003 11:27PM

Lady's best I think.

Les


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: illudiumphosdex (---.try.wideopenwest.com)
Date: September 08, 2003 12:52AM

I heartily agree...


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Lady of the Night (---.oaklandlibrary.org)
Date: September 11, 2003 08:26PM

Oh, wow. I haven't come across the board in a long time, and then to find that my work has been bumped, and praised so highly? Flattering!

Thanks so much, guys. I also think it's one of the best I've written (but I'm definitely not tooting my own horn... that phrase should be done away with).

Lady of the Night


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Brucefur (---.bc.hsia.telus.net)
Date: September 12, 2003 12:56AM

Hey Lil' Nutmeg,

One small suggestion (because the rest is great) as regards the last line. I think that it would be stronger if changed from this;

"to illuminate the way to go."

to either this;

"to illuminate the way."

or

"to illuminate your way."

Seems to me that the rest is all just filler. winking smiley

Love you!

Brucefur


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Lady of the Night (---.proxy.aol.com)
Date: September 12, 2003 10:05PM

Well, I had it "to illuminate the way to go" because of a poem Angelito wrote that had that line in it, and I was thinking of him when I wrote it (though it's not necessarily dedicated to him). But I agree that it would be stronger the way you suggested, and I would probably change it to "illuminate your way" if I were to change it. Change... aaah!!!

Lady of the Night


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Lady of the Night (---.tys.bellsouth.net)
Date: May 02, 2004 01:47PM

Personal Bump for a friend of mine so he can read it. Annnnd, I was gonna change the last line to "to illuminate the way," except it won't let me edit my post. Dunno what that's all about.

Lady of the Night

I never conquered, rarely came, sixteen just held such better days.


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Brucefur (---.ca.shawcable.net)
Date: May 03, 2004 05:21AM

Would this be your kissy-face friend there Nutmeg? The Don Juan d' Marco? winking smiley

Good to see that you have common interests!

Kiss on cheekiness.


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Jean-Paul (---.nt.net)
Date: May 03, 2004 10:32AM

Female of the Twilight,

Calibre= quality

I love this poem, I can tell that you have been reading your Bible lately by the overall tone.
This is a personal situation that has required guidance.
Kudos


Agape



Jean-Paul Bonhomme

"I "Love Summer more than I hate Winter"


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: russ (---.olypen.com)
Date: May 03, 2004 10:44PM

Everything has been said. How can I add anything usefull? Whatever others say, I took a stroll through a winter night that never ends. Thank You.


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Lady of the Night (---.tys.bellsouth.net)
Date: May 06, 2004 11:35AM

Bruce,

You're so perceptive! And remember, we're not kissy-face friends. We're just friends. Who is Don Juan d'Marco, anyway? I know you didn't just make the name up off the top of your head. And common interests... yes, it is nice to have some common interests smiling smiley (How's THAT for a change, huh??)

Jean-Paul,

Actually, when I wrote this, I wasn't thinking about the Bible in any kind of way. Rather, I was writing it about myself being the angel in disguise, out to save the world, broken heart by lonely heart. But I'm glad you were able to find a scriptural connotation.

Russ,

Well thank you smiling smiley That was very sweet of you, and I appreciated your comment a lot. I'm glad you enjoyed!

Fare thee well,
Lady of the Night

I never conquered, rarely came, sixteen just held such better days.


Re: Angel in Disguise
Posted by: Just Jack (---.southg01.mi.comcast.net)
Date: November 13, 2004 07:24PM

bumpworthy




Sorry, only registered users may post in this forum.
This poetry forum at emule.com powered by Phorum.