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"Number Two"
Posted by: Lady of the Night (---.proxy.aol.com)
Date: October 19, 2002 12:48PM

Hey guys,

I posted this, along with 7 other short proses back in July. But there are a couple of new faces, and I'd like to post each one separately, over a period of time, in hopes of gaining a more in-depth critique of each one.

“Number Two”

To sit in the early morning hours of the day,
a little after midnight, thinking and wondering,
wishing to be with friends at the moment, laughing,
joking, just relaxing with those who are liked,
loved, accepted. To be one of the ones who are
popular for their hair and their clothing, and all
else which is meaningless in the world of thoughts
and deep thinkers, but in the world of society
is all-important.

- July 2, 2002


Appreciations in Advance,
Lady of the Night


Re: "Number Two"
Posted by: Lady of the Night (---.unet.maine.edu)
Date: October 22, 2002 01:48PM

Or not!


Re: "Number Two"
Posted by: silent siren (---.dip0.t-ipconnect.de)
Date: October 22, 2002 02:17PM

Heyo, there is me with the first post...

Lady, I hope you can hear my knifes sharpening,

this needs in my opinion a little work if it stands alone. I miss a context - or, if you want each poem to be able to stand on its own feet, a background broader than the feeling of being in a community.

What does this feeling tell the one who regards it as meaningless in you? What is his/its/her opinion on the feeling you create towards it which you silence inside yourself just to feel easy with friends? Is this the bow before almighty society? Can you bear it?

siren


Re: "Number Two"
Posted by: Lady of the Night (---.unet.maine.edu)
Date: October 22, 2002 02:46PM

Thank you for the post, Siren. smiling smiley And yes, I hear the knives! Much appreciated. I'm having a bit of trouble focusing right now, I'm talking to Angelito smiling smiley So I will come back in the morning and read it over again.

Thanks again!
Lady of the Night


Re: "Number Two"
Posted by: Noloco (---.vp.centurytel.net)
Date: October 24, 2002 01:03AM

one word nice

"To write something, you have to risk making a fool of yourself." Anne Rice


Re: "Number Two"
Posted by: Brucefur (---.ok.shawcable.net)
Date: October 25, 2002 02:06PM

You know Lady,

Even though I had originally said the you SHOULD seperate them and give them different titles, I have since changed my mind. They worked better as a single segmented piece I think.

I agree with Siren, as in so many other things (her wisdom is legend), it loses its context without the others surrounding it.

Brucefur


Re: "Number Two"
Posted by: Lady of the Night (---.unet.maine.edu)
Date: October 25, 2002 02:23PM

This is odd, because originally, it was a singular piece. I simply posted them all together on the same thread. But it seems to have been perceived as a single segmented piece (isn't that a contradiction?). I'll keep this in mind. Thanks! smiling smiley

Lady of the Night




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