THE IMPUDENT TREE

I had a little plant,
A bonsai it was called.
A drink of water now and then
But it was going bald.

In a week it looked real bad
And then began to molt.
So, I bought a can of fertilizer
And gave it a healthy jolt.

This didn't seem to help at all
Its bark was coming loose.
So, I searched out that little can
And gave it some more juice.

It grew so fast and go so big
It burst its little pot.
So, I put it in my garden
Where it wouldn't rot.

It branched way out and turned real green.
But it stared right back at me.
I liked it as a little plant,
But detest it as a tree.

E.J. Lewis

good poem. i liked it. i have one thing to point out tho.

It grew so fast and go so big
It burst its little pot.
So, I put it in my garden
Where it wouldn't rot.
--
these to partsare good but i think you should change the line: "Where it wouldn't rot." to "Where surely it wouldn't rot." (just because your flow over the poem is slightly staggered there.

over i thought it was a neat poem. Keep up the good work!
-Andy

Sounds like my last attempt to grow (or even maintain) any living plant at all... lol!! I really enjoyed this one! I agree with Andy about the flow in that one line, but otherwise I think it's set!!

bobo

My green thumb has turned black, and along with it, my plants.
Enjoyed your poem.
JP

JP - What do you say about the revision suggested by Andy & Bobo ? Just wanted to get a second opinion from someone who's been around. Just think over 835 hits since mid-May of this year - unimaginable ! Anyway, don't know these two guys - you don't have their Users Profiles filed some place, do you ? And how about yours ?

E.J. Lewis

"Where surely it wouldn't rot" adds an extra couple of syllables, which makes it harder to read, in my opinion. I'd leave it as is, except maybe put a semi-colon after "pot." Great read! Much enjoyed, lol, especially the end. Kudos!

Lady of the Night

Bobo, for the last time, is a woman.

JP, has answered the profile questions under Horse chestnuts, and Andy posted his own profile under Elite poetry only, or somesuch.

You seem to be a little stuck on age as a basis for being right, which isn't always the case, EJ.

As for the critics of your previous comments, they span the whole gamut from teen to middleage, but even if it had been a 5 year old stating that they found your commentary offensive, you still should have addressed them by now. Anything else is just rude; at any age.

Brucefur

I think we could desperately use some more of E.J.'s humor here at the mule.

Les