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I'd Rather be Whistling in the Dark
Posted by: Snark (---.okld03.pacbell.net)
Date: August 22, 2002 02:00AM

Frablous grisht nok lepreft soque vezray
Dear me I know not what I say
Gibberish I do seem to write
A veritable plague upon the sprite
That makes me to inscribe this way
I think he infected me today
He dances beyond the grip of my fumbling hands
And slips through my fingers like grains of sand.

Zeus

PS Im Lizz's pseudo step brother.


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Re: I'd Rather be Whistling in the Dark
Posted by: Brucefur (---.ca.shawcable.net)
Date: August 22, 2002 04:42AM

Welcome to the poetry forum Snark, and now that we know that you are related to Lizzy, we will have to be extra hard on you. ;-)

Firstly, let me say that I like your style. I find it reminiscent of a particular poet; perhaps Poe, but I just can't put my finger on it.

So in actual fact, I only have a few very minor suggestions:

Frablous grisht nok lepreft soque vezray
Dear me (put a comma here) I know not what I say
Gibberish I do seem to write
A veritable plague upon the sprite
That makes me to (ditch the to, you don't need it) inscribe this way
I think he infected me today
He dances beyond the grip of my fumbling hands
And slips through my fingers like grains of sand.

Zeus (what does this imply? I am afraid that it doesn't seem to fit with the rest of the poem).

Brucefur

PS: How can you be a pseudo step brother? You are either a step brother, or you are not!


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Re: I'd Rather be Whistling in the Dark
Posted by: Lizzy (---.okld03.pacbell.net)
Date: August 22, 2002 04:19PM

Can I speak for him, as he is not yet awake, though it is NOON!!! Anyway, I told him to put the to in there, because it seemed to make the rythm better, but it could be easily dropped. Zeus whas how he igned it, nothing to do with the poem, and hes a pseudo step brother meaning that my mom and his dad live together, so we're housemates, but they're not actually married, so we're not technically legally related. Got a better Idea as to what to call him? Ive been looking for one!
Lizz


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Re: I'd Rather be Whistling in the Dark
Posted by: Jack (---.eapplied.com)
Date: August 22, 2002 04:24PM

Step-brother by non-marriage (twice removed!)


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Re: I'd Rather be Whistling in the Dark
Posted by: Lizzy (---.okld03.pacbell.net)
Date: August 22, 2002 07:20PM

By better, I actually meant shorter... winking smiley
Lizz


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Re: I'd Rather be Whistling in the Dark
Posted by: Sargirl (24.194.193.---)
Date: August 22, 2002 07:25PM

how 'bout this guy that always seems to be in my house? Or just that guy for short!
Sargirl


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Re: I'd Rather be Whistling in the Dark
Posted by: Lizzy (---.okld03.pacbell.net)
Date: August 22, 2002 08:01PM

hahaha. You are amazingly unhelpful. giggles
Lizz


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Re: I'd Rather be Whistling in the Dark
Posted by: Sargirl (24.194.193.---)
Date: August 22, 2002 08:06PM

That's my job!


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Re: I'd Rather be Whistling in the Dark
Posted by: Snark (---.HIP.Berkeley.EDU)
Date: August 23, 2002 04:48AM

ja ja, that guy sounds good

thnx for the ideas brucefur

we have been having the discusion of our relationship to eachother (me n lizzy) for just about a year.


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Re: I'd Rather be Whistling in the Dark
Posted by: Jules Ruppert-Felsot (---.it.wsu.edu)
Date: August 23, 2002 06:04AM

Wow cool poem. I feel that way pretty much all the time.
Frablous grisht nok lepreft soque vezray indeed!
Usually, though when it comes to writing about something important, I'd rather just let my fingers prance upon the keyboard and look at the 'gibberish' that comes out. smiling smiley Keep writing, you r0x0rz!! .. erm.


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