Will somebody please tell me just what is
going on? You've turned my world upside down
and now I don't know which end is up; I don't
know where to turn, I don't know what to do.
I was once secure, set for life, I had all
that I'd ever dreamed of, and I wanted for
nothing at all. But then you came along and
confused everything, stirring up dust and now
I have no idea where it all belongs, where
it's supposed to fit in...In fact I am so
confused and disoriented that I cannot even
write this piece, and so I will give in to
defeat and close it now, with questions
unanswered and souls unfulfilled...
Well then, seeing as how no one else is saying it, I guess that it falls to me.
Lady, this is not up to your potential, and we both know that you are much more capable than this.
Your previous eight were shining examples of talent, and Intellectual Intercourse was sheer genius.
I do feel priviledged to be party to your every thought, but I do know that you are both more complex, and your thinking more profound than this.
Shoot for the stars dear; and yes, it's okay if you occasionally miss...ahem...like this one. :-P
Lol, thank you!!!
I was getting ready to post on here and just say "Umm, you guys, if you think it sucks just tell me." Cause I KNOW several people have read it. I wasn't trying to write a good piece when I wrote this. I have said several times that this forum is like a journal to me, and I was trying to make sense of my jumbled thoughts. Obviously it didn't work, lol. But, it's nice to know what ppl think about the lovely mess of my mind.
- Lady of the Night
Although the style reminded me indeed for a second of Nolon in breaking verses, I really loved the theme, the chain of thoughts. Could you please mould and work on it, has fine potential and I know you can make something out of it.
I do say sounds like you just wrote what was on your mind i seriously got lost in it but i liked it
"To write something, you have to risk making a fool of yourself." Anne Rice
Course, if you will use stream of consciousness layout, what do you expect ? James Joyce we none of us are.
Will somebody please tell me
just what is going on?
You've turned my world upside down and now
I don't know which end is up;
I don't know where to turn,
I don't know what to do.
I was once secure, set for life,
I had all that I'd ever dreamed of,
and I wanted for nothing at all.
But then you came along and confused everything,
stirring up dust and now I have no idea
where it all belongs, where it's supposed to fit in...
In fact I am so confused and disoriented
that I cannot even write this piece,
and so I will give in to defeat
and close it now, with questions
unanswered and souls unfulfilled...
Still needs work, though ...
Siren - Thanks for your thoughts I think I will work on it, I hate to leave something unfinished or "imperfect" and this is definitely unfinished and imperfect in my mind. Thanks
Nolon - Lol, you got seriously lost? I was soooo lost when I was writing. As I told Brucefur, I was just trying to lay my thoughts out, hoping they'd make sense if I did. Obviously not, lol.
Wow Stephen, I like that layout...I really do! It looks like something I'd do...I'll give it a lot of consideration. Thanks bunches!
Thank you all.
A lil confused, but still sane,
- Lady of the Night
Lady: That is exactly how all of my poems start. A jumble of thought. I imagine poets just sitting down and writing their words in fluent "poetry" all in the right order. Will never happen to me...something to strive for. If someone could read my notebook I carry around--they would think I was more than just a little confused. Stephen put your words in wonderful order--but that was his plan---you were just journaling--I am sure you will finish your thoughts and have a wonderful piece on your hands. I love your confused state of mind....lgreen
Hey, lgreen your notebook is my notebook. A burger, but not yet made up, let alone cooked. Just now, it's beef and breadcrumbs and raw egg. Thus:
ARTHUR What is an Algolian Zylatburger anyway?
FORD They're a kind of meatburger made from the most unpleasant parts
of a creature well known for its total lack of any pleasant
ARTHUR So you mean that the Universe does actually end not with a bang
but with a Wimpy?
Douglas Adams of course - my man.
Do I have to repeat that you're cool, Stephen?
You really have a logical mind.
Wanted to laugh out loud (albert m's explanation for lol) but the house is asleep. 23:01, oops...
Lady- Unfortnately I must agree partially with Bruce, it is not up to par with Intellectual Intercourse. However, I wouldn't say that you missed necessarily, just that it is a work in progress. Stephen has a good point, the structure seems to be were some of the confusion lays. The structure reminds me of something that I might have written, I am sorry to say that is not a compliment.
For what it is worth, this is what I take away from it. You've met someone that leaves you feeling conflicted. That the only thing you can take from them is more questions, questions that you don't have answers for. In turn you are left more conflicted. Leaving you to wonder if you had it wrong all along. All that you thought solid seems to be questionable, and you have nothing left to hold on to.
Then again those are just my thoughts. Since some seemed to be confused as to the meaning I thought I might offer up my take. If I am even close I think you might be able to take comfort in this:
Questions often lead to conflict, conflict often leads to confusion, yet it is in confusion that answers are apt to be found.
Yet, without taking up your whole day I will leave you with this, I enjoyed your piece. I didn't think it was confusing, merely vague. Yet, I took comfort in its vagueness. Keep working, I see potential here.
I could cry for all the stuff I have to do online today! I now only have Net access once a week, and on that one day, I have to reply to a zillion emails, work on this forum, as well as post for several characters on Worlde Arcane (Brucefur knows what I'm talking about). But, I wanted to take a few moments and thank you for your time.
Your interpretation was pretty much right on the button! I prayed to meet a man that I couldn't read or understand, one who challenged who I am..and you bet I got him! He breaks alllll The Rules (--Love you, Quiet Dreamer! Lol), and has pretty much turned my entire life upside down and shaken it a good one But, I suppose I'm thankful for such a shaking..in a way! Well, I'm grateful to know him. But I tell you what, Quiet Dreamer, you don't stop that shaking I'm gonna knock you a good one! J/k. ahem I'll be serious now.
I do agree, that this piece just wasn't up to par with the rest of my work, although I disagree about the "goodness" of my other work. Bruce and I argue about that quite often, as do myself and the rest of my friends (almost said peers, but we all know Bruce is too old for that sticks tongue out Sassy smirk) Wait, I'm gonna be serious. tick...tick...tick... Ahh, it ain't workin. My spirits have been lifted since visiting this site, and I thank you for that, as well as my own thoughts of Quiet Dreamer, Rick Winter, Brucefur, Silent Siren, Jazzy...and you all know who I'm talking about So, I thank you all!
And now I'm shutting up. Thom...many appreciations for your time, and you had the meaning pretty much right on the button. I'm eager to continue searching on this forum, so I will close now. Thank you again!
Tired but Happy
- La Femme du Soir
Now this is better poetry then the one above!
I prayed to meet a man
that I couldn't read or understand,
one who challenged who I am...
and you bet I got him!
Sticks tongue out; grinning insanely
PS: Nutmeg, if you can, I would like to see you complete this one; flesh it out as it were. Hurry or Stephen will beat you to it! ;-)
Gee thanks! Your little work of art certainly put Number Nine back in its place. smirk
As far as fleshing it out....I'm afraid my well is dry! I got nothin...hopefully soon I'll have myself another writing spell.
Gots to go now, I'm feeling a bit odd, a lil antsy...ciao!
Lady of the Night
Silly goose, that's not my work of art, those are your words. I only rearranged them.
Ze Count Brucefur
Breaking down walls and breaking rules is fun
Love ya, Lady of the Night!
Bruce....nevermind. Lol. You put them in another way, and said it was better than the original....so thanks!!
And as for you, Quiet Dreamer....LOL. Yeah, fun for you!! Nah, I think it's good for me Thank you, hon. Love you
Lil ol me
SIREN (to the audience): Ach, I love this community...
And they love you too! SMACK!