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Facial Expression of Present Pain
Posted by: lifeisbutadream (94.249.1.---)
Date: March 15, 2009 03:11PM

I can no longer find the friend
in you
which reminds me

When I was eight
I scraped my knee so hard
the skin
peeled off
almost to the bone
I thought I'd die
but I didn't
like now and so
I know I won't
die

I can no longer see the me
in you
and the scrape is even deeper

Every bumpy word you say
slays a good memory
and they have become
bumpy and nail furnished
the verbal roads we travel
But I seem to wear
my bare feet and it hurts
to step on shards of aloofness
wear a thorny crown
prick and jab thoughts

I can long for an end
and perhaps for once
ignore means to heal the real scrape that hits bone
If I can

K.Q.

Edited 4 time(s). Last edit at 03/17/2009 07:59AM by lifeisbutadream.


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Re: Facial Expression of Present Pain
Posted by: easyeverett (75.170.166.---)
Date: March 16, 2009 03:14AM

That metaphorical scrape along with the physical scrape wrap
this poetic up in a blue ribbon IMHO K.Q. I loved the tight
adherence throughout to the metaphor and its 'time' application
and utility. A very good write. tom


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Re: Facial Expression of Present Pain
Posted by: lifeisbutadream (212.35.66.---)
Date: March 16, 2009 03:59AM

Thanks a lot Tom. I appreciate your opinion!


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Re: Facial Expression of Present Pain
Posted by: hpesoj (69.116.241.---)
Date: March 16, 2009 04:14PM

This is very rich in imagery Khalida, especially:

But I seem to wear
my bear feet and it hurts
to step on shards of aloofness


Images such as this, along with your metaphorical reference provide excellent examples of some of the elements that separate poetry from ordinary writing.

Well done! It is good to see you posting once again.

Joe

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/16/2009 04:16PM by hpesoj.


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Re: Facial Expression of Present Pain
Posted by: petersz (69.181.22.---)
Date: March 16, 2009 07:50PM

Actually, I felt bad for the speaker and wished she didn't have to go through what made her write this poem.

peace,

Peter


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Re: Facial Expression of Present Pain
Posted by: petersz (69.181.22.---)
Date: May 04, 2009 11:46PM

bump


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Re: Facial Expression of Present Pain
Posted by: IanAKB (210.84.37.---)
Date: May 08, 2009 08:10AM

This is a profoundly felt poem, Khalida, and your original knee scrape metaphor carries it well from beginning to end.

A most unusual phrase "nail furnished". Is that poetic code for "tacky", or is it a phrase of common application in some environment I am unaware of, where sharp objects on the roads frequently cause punctures?

Ian


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Re: Facial Expression of Present Pain
Posted by: Boo Cipher (70.77.226.---)
Date: May 20, 2009 02:38AM

Hi Khalida,

Enjoyed the poem, it's been a long time since I read your words... Too long.

Brucefur


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