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An Everyday Eternity
Posted by: Aaron (71.193.157.---)
Date: January 10, 2009 02:08PM

There are not moments in a sunrise
Like a flooding tide
Light and shadow glide
Through canyons and fields
A song too universal for melody
A Dance too intricate for steps

Only here, as the light eclipses
All that has been and will be
Am I free of time and present
In this everyday eternity




(I could use some help regarding the formatting/structure of this one. Thanks)


Re: An Everyday Eternity
Posted by: petersz (69.181.22.---)
Date: January 10, 2009 04:37PM

Not moments in a sunrise
Like a flooding tide
Light and shadow glide
Through canyons and fields
A song too universal for melody
A Dance too intricate for steps

Only here, as the light eclipses
All that has been and will be
Am I free of time and present
In this everyday eternity

or maybe

No moments in a sunrise
Like a flooding tide

Light and shadow glide
Through canyons and fields

A song too universal for melody
A Dance too intricate for steps


Only here, as the light eclipses
All that has been and will be

Am I free of time and present
In this everyday eternity

There are just stuck me as an exceptionally weak opening phrase.

I like the poem a lot,

Peter


Re: An Everyday Eternity
Posted by: Aaron (71.193.157.---)
Date: January 11, 2009 06:12PM

Peter, thanks for the ideas. It is good to be a writer among better writers.


Re: An Everyday Eternity
Posted by: Mr. P (75.111.63.---)
Date: January 13, 2009 04:12PM

Not really my expertise, you better yell for Ian, he seems to be into that.


Re: An Everyday Eternity
Posted by: frost42_24 (32.138.43.---)
Date: January 13, 2009 11:48PM

personally I found it eloquent as it is and personally in most cases am against revising you initial thoghts. good stuff and no need to be humble here...you are good. Peter is a good resource here thogh and gives good insight...read his work and you'll see why.


Re: An Everyday Eternity
Posted by: frost42_24 (67.185.193.---)
Date: January 29, 2009 09:34PM

just read this again. I love it even more the second time around.


Re: An Everyday Eternity
Posted by: aaron (71.193.157.---)
Date: January 30, 2009 08:18PM

frost, thanks for taking the time to read it over again. Glad you like it

Aaron


Re: An Everyday Eternity
Posted by: frost42_24 (67.185.193.---)
Date: February 01, 2009 12:43AM

Aaron,

you're welcome. I like your style.


Re: An Everyday Eternity
Posted by: frost42_24 (98.226.171.---)
Date: December 01, 2009 11:53PM

bump


Re: An Everyday Eternity
Posted by: lifeisbutadream (94.249.32.---)
Date: December 06, 2009 02:21AM

I like the notion. Good closing question!

K.Q.


Re: An Everyday Eternity
Posted by: petersz (24.7.60.---)
Date: April 15, 2010 04:59PM

bump


Re: An Everyday Eternity
Posted by: frost42_24 (67.185.64.---)
Date: June 10, 2010 12:03AM

agreed on the bump. I love this one more every time I read it.




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