User Submitted Poetry
 Interested in feedback about a piece you've written? 

eMule -> The Poetry Archive -> Forums -> User Submitted Poetry


Goto Thread: PreviousNext
Goto: Forum ListMessage ListNew TopicSearchLog In
Queen Anne Park
Posted by: aua (192.168.128.---)
Date: October 02, 2006 12:28AM

Sometimes I go there

Where the grass stays dark green
and long enough to tickle your ankles.
Where benches carry
the immortal declarations of young love.
Where the ground recedes slowly,
quietly falling into the river’s dark waters.

Where we once stood in each others arms,
too afraid to let go.

I go there in the perpetual dusk
and forget what it is like to be alone.

I watch the flocks of geese squabble by the river’s edge
I listen to the crickets chirping out their melodic song
I smell the acrid decay of autumn leaves

Yet I feel nothing,
though I know the rain soaks my clothes
and the last of the stubborn mosquitoes pick at my skin.

I see only the mirror of the river
And stare like narcissus
Hoping the waters will reveal
Your face beside my own

Forgive me.


Re: Queen Anne Park
Posted by: twotenranch (192.168.128.---)
Date: October 02, 2006 01:15AM

Disremember your name. Will not forget again.

You are invited to write and post more.

Done good aua.. done good.


Re: Queen Anne Park
Posted by: lg (Moderator)
Date: October 02, 2006 02:16AM

Nicely done, Aua. I like these lines:

I go there in the perpetual dusk
and forget what it is like to be alone.



Les


Re: Queen Anne Park
Posted by: K.Q. (192.168.128.---)
Date: October 02, 2006 07:30AM

I like your apologetic nostalgic expression.


Re: Queen Anne Park
Posted by: JosephT (192.168.128.---)
Date: October 02, 2006 08:35AM

aua

Your words put me in the moment immediately. Nicely done.

Joe


Re: Queen Anne Park
Posted by: aua (192.168.128.---)
Date: October 02, 2006 12:01PM

thanks everyone smiling smiley


Re: Queen Anne Park
Posted by: hrfarris (192.168.128.---)
Date: October 02, 2006 02:01PM

'stare like narcissus' perfect. I agree with Joseph T.-- Holly


Re: Queen Anne Park
Posted by: johnniegirl (192.168.128.---)
Date: October 03, 2006 06:23PM

Where we once stood in each others arms,
too afraid to let go.

i also liked these lines. too afraid to let go.........that changes the way i will consider things, the next time i encounter such an embrace.

you start the poem with "sometimes i go there" and then when you end your poem asking for forgiveness, i am haunted with the feeling that you keep going back there, each time hoping to walk away feeling forgiven. well done.

redmittengirl


Re: Queen Anne Park
Posted by: aua (192.168.128.---)
Date: October 04, 2006 06:53PM

Redmittengirl: Thanks! That is exactly the sentiment I was trying to convey.


Re: Queen Anne Park
Posted by: camus (192.168.128.---)
Date: October 04, 2006 07:08PM

yeh good read.

But why the obligatory closer?

"Forgive me."

It takes any idea of the poem being written for the reader, and transfers it to the writer.

Therefore why post it?

I often wonder why people post poems, when ultimately it's for them not the reader?


Re: Queen Anne Park
Posted by: aua (192.168.128.---)
Date: October 04, 2006 11:16PM

hmm, well...I did write it for myself, which is obvious not only by the last phrase, but also because of the use of "I".

For me, the only way a poem can be effective and meaningful is if it is written based on some personal experience...the reader can share in the sentiment and appreciate the message of the poem, but ultimately the poem is written for the ego of the author.


Re: Queen Anne Park
Posted by: twotenranch (192.168.128.---)
Date: October 06, 2006 06:23PM

Poems are written only for the poet, never for the reader. As the reader is invited to attend, the poem becomes part of the poet exposed, but still part of the poet.

Like some other books,, Santa Biblica comes to mind, it means something different to everyone who picks it up. But to the poet, it has the correct meaning.

Having been writting stuff since the mid to late fifties,,however, I find that such things as "Little Grove of Trees" (my very first poem) has different meanings today than in Sept 0f 1956, when the Bishops daughter died.

this gets a "done real good" from the cowboy seciton.


Re: Queen Anne Park
Posted by: illudiumphosdex (192.168.128.---)
Date: October 06, 2006 06:36PM

aua...this is fantastic. I need to reread it a few more times. Just wanted you to know.

- Bob


Re: Queen Anne Park
Posted by: drpeternsz (192.168.128.---)
Date: October 06, 2006 11:29PM

I do like both the emotional complexity of this thing and the telling detail of the tale.

Peter


Re: Queen Anne Park
Posted by: aua (192.168.128.---)
Date: October 09, 2006 06:40PM

twotenranch: Thanks for adding your support. I think that the concept of most works changing over time for both the author and the reader.

illudiumphosdex and drpeternsz: Thanks for taking the time to comment.




Sorry, only registered users may post in this forum.
This poetry forum at emule.com powered by Phorum.