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To meriti: A blind facial expression
Posted by: K.Q. (---.118.2.83.ua.batelco.jo)
Date: August 11, 2004 06:04AM

Blind Nostalgia

Passionate, writing poetry,
Like love making, not
Making love!
Words moist, tip
Off tongues; trickle,
Down pages of souls.
Minds are tickled,
Then comes defiance, compliance.
Memory flirts: pasts are gone;
Wind of yesterdays to come,
Claims present future,
Creates history.
Broken are twigs,
Yet branches defeating,
Roots retreating,
Life contracting
Births of tomorrows,
Unspoken, yet seen
Inside glittering pupils:
True eyes.

Nostalgia Blind

True eyes,
Pupils glittering inside;
Seen yet unspoken,
Tomorrows of births
Contracting life
Retreating; roots
Defeating branches, yet,
Twigs are broken.
History creates
Future; present claims
Come to yesterdays of wind.
Gone are pasts, flirts memory!
Compliance, defiance, come then.
Tickled are mindsí
Souls of pages. Down
Trickle tongues; off
Tip moist words:
Love making,
Not making love; like
Poetry writing: passionate.


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Re: To meriti: A blind facial expression
Posted by: Chris? (---.dyn.optonline.net)
Date: August 11, 2004 06:29AM

Whoa wtf. That was sexy. What do you call a poem that you can flip with a double meaning like that. Your freaking me out. Its too early. I need sleep BAH! =^-^=

-Insert famous quote here-


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Re: To meriti: A blind facial expression
Posted by: K.Q. (---.118.2.83.ua.batelco.jo)
Date: August 11, 2004 06:41AM

ask meriti or see his posts. I don't quite remember right now. Thanks for the comment , but your interpretation contradicts my intention. I think I meant the other way around if you see what I mean!!?


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Re: To meriti: A blind facial expression
Posted by: K.Q. (---.118.2.83.ua.batelco.jo)
Date: August 11, 2004 06:43AM

It's called "deux langue poems" . I checked!


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Re: To meriti: A blind facial expression
Posted by: lg (---.trlck.ca.charter.com)
Date: August 11, 2004 11:37AM

K.Q. I liked this, especially the second one. Your language seemed much more natural than some of these I've seen.

Les


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Re: To meriti: A blind facial expression
Posted by: camus (---.server.ntli.net)
Date: August 11, 2004 11:51AM

clever stuff, plus sensual writing.....................nice one.


Doubt everything. Find your own light.


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Re: To meriti: A blind facial expression
Posted by: Gwydion (209.53.139.---)
Date: August 11, 2004 11:51AM



Wow, KQ, I am in quiet awe! There is a sensual air to this piece.

I agree with Les, very natural flow, and this is brilliant:

History creates
Future; present claims
Come to yesterdays of wind.

KQ, by far the best I have seen from you; you can write 'deux langue' any ole time!


It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. (Aristotle)


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Re: To meriti: A blind facial expression
Posted by: K.Q. (194.165.154.---)
Date: August 11, 2004 12:39PM

Les,
Thanks for the comment. I am glad you liked it!
camus and Gwyn,
Thanks for reading and commenting.Sensual? Nah!!smiling smiley
( If you knew the original idea that this came out of you'd laugh . Not sensual!!!)


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Re: To meriti: A blind facial expression
Posted by: illudiumphosdex (---.try.wideopenwest.com)
Date: August 11, 2004 12:58PM

K.Q., I am in agreement, you did an excellent job. This seems to me to be a difficult style to develop. Kudos!

One thing, though: shouldn't the first line of "Nostalgia Blind" read "Eyes true?"

- Bob


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Re: To meriti: A blind facial expression
Posted by: K.Q. (194.165.154.---)
Date: August 11, 2004 04:33PM

Yes Bob, I have to admit that I did miss on something. It is eyes true!! I did have that feeling after I posted, like when you leave home and are definitely sure that you forgot something. Usually I remember when it's too late! A good sign of human imperfection. I like to remember that! Thanks for reading and commenting!!


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Re: To meriti: A blind facial expression
Posted by: meriti (64.238.96.---)
Date: August 11, 2004 06:30PM

K.Q.,

I really like your poem... both ways!!

Your intent is maintained in both directions and it reads very well for the most part either way...

Capitalization and punctuation are 'prohibited' when writing in deux langue... check out the explanation... (http://www.deuxlangue.com/about.htm)

Of course you are free to do as you wish with your extraordinary creativity, but in coming up with a 'formula' for deux langue, those were some 'rules' that were established. The explanation gives a little logic behind that decision as well.

Suggested rewrite:

blind nostalgia

passionate
writing poetry
like love making
not making love
words moist
tip off tongues
trickle down pages
of souls
minds are tricked
then comes defiance
compliance
memory flirts
pasts are gone
wind of yesterdays
to come
claims present future
creates history
broken are twigs
and branches are defeated
roots retreating
life contracting
births of tomorrow
unspoken yet seen
inside glittering pupils
true eyes

==================

nostalgia blind

eyes true
pupils glittering inside
seen yet unspoken
tomorrow of births
contracting life
retreating roots
defeated branches and
twigs are broken
history creates future
present claims
come to yesterdays
of wind
gone are pasts
flirts memory
compliance
defiance
comes then
tricked are minds
souls of pages
down trickle tongues
off tip
moist words
love making
not making love
like poetry writing
passionate


Wow. I just reread your words... this is really nice.

I changed "yet" to "and", and "defeating" to "defeated"... just a suggestion. There may be a little fine-tuning that you could do to make it more readable backwards... otherwise this is an awesome couplet.

Thank you so much for embracing deux langue. I saw your posts on the board and I'll respond soon. It's been slow there lately. Perhaps the book release will pick things back up. It'll be out soon... self-publishing.

meriti



Post Edited (08-12-04 09:48)

================

Sobriety is overrated.


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Re: To meriti: A blind facial expression
Posted by: peternsz (---.client.comcast.net)
Date: August 11, 2004 06:41PM

I find this so awe inspiring. Sometime I'll get it together to post you about it.

Pete


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Re: To meriti: A blind facial expression
Posted by: J.H.SUMMERS (---.chartertn.net)
Date: August 11, 2004 07:17PM

K.Q.,

Good job on a form that is difficult to pull off. I tried it once and got lost, then I got a headache.

john


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Re: To meriti: A blind facial expression
Posted by: K.Q. (---.118.2.83.ua.batelco.jo)
Date: August 12, 2004 04:21AM

meriti,
Thanks for reading, proofreading, and commenting. I did enjoy writing this, particularly the challenge of keeping an eye on the reverse while writing the original!

Yes John,
There is a kind of dizziness involved. Thank God it didn't reach the stage of a headache. Nevertheless, I enjoyed the challenge. Thanks for your comment and kind words.

Peter,
thanks, and I'll be waiting!


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Re: To meriti: A blind facial expression
Posted by: personifyed (---.dyn.optonline.net)
Date: August 12, 2004 05:32AM

WOW, I"M IMPRESSED NEVER THOUHGT ABOUT THAT
YOUR'E GOOD BUT WE ARE ALL GOOD, KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING
DEEP WITHIN US LIES UNIQUENESS AND SELF-INSPIRATION WAITING TO LEAK OUT THE NIB OF THE PEN, OR WASTE THE TIP OF OUR PENCILS


As I brainstorm the words pour in the form of rain Thoughts give birth to ideas without a name. (Personifyed)


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Re: To meriti: A blind facial expression
Posted by: K.Q. (---.118.2.83.ua.batelco.jo)
Date: August 12, 2004 05:35AM

blush , thanks!
smiling smiley


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Re: To meriti: A blind facial expression
Posted by: personifyed (---.dyn.optonline.net)
Date: August 12, 2004 05:38AM

I FEEL A CONNECTION BETWEEN US, NO LYING grinning smiley


As I brainstorm the words pour in the form of rain Thoughts give birth to ideas without a name. (Personifyed)


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Re: To meriti: A blind facial expression
Posted by: K.Q. (---.118.2.83.ua.batelco.jo)
Date: August 12, 2004 05:44AM

smiling smiley


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Re: To meriti: A blind facial expression
Posted by: JP (---.tnt1.rochelle.il.da.uu.net)
Date: August 12, 2004 11:20AM

K.Q.

This sort of thing is out of my league. To make sense of something either way is quite an accomplishment, and I think you have pulled it off.

JP


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Re: To meriti: A blind facial expression
Posted by: peternsz (---.client.comcast.net)
Date: August 12, 2004 05:18PM

I guess the simplest way to respond is that I cannot find a favorite line or phrase. Usually I can, which makes it easy to quote from a poem. This poem is all of a piece, can't cut it up into "gems." This makes it read well. I don't know is I'm that happy with the genre, though. Almost too much like a mechanical exercise, like anagrams andf acrostics. Anyway, have fun.

amo,

peter


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Re: To meriti: A blind facial expression
Posted by: dije_03461 (---.res138-fi2.jtibs.net)
Date: August 13, 2004 10:20AM

I am so stupid!!!! I actually didn't spot what was going on here until half way down the reviews. I was thinking things like, didn't I just read that in the other poem? Thats really nice and very impressive. I wish i could do that. Must have taken a lot of patience and work. Kudos mate.

Dije

Faith Whittlesey: Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards and in high heels.


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Re: To meriti: A blind facial expression
Posted by: K.Q. (---.118.31.34.ua.batelco.jo)
Date: August 14, 2004 05:47AM

JP,
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. I appreciate it.

Peter,
Thanks for coming back. I have to agree with you on the restraints this genre creates. Check my first responce on meriti's post. But the challenge was just so tempting! I did enjoy it as well, despite the drawbacks!

Dije,
Thanks for reading and commenting. I value your opinion!


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Re: To meriti: A blind facial expression
Posted by: lgreen (---.client.comcast.net)
Date: August 14, 2004 02:12PM

Very interesting--it took me a minute or two---I just got up---am still on Island time (from vacation)---staying up til 4:00 in the morning and sleeping until 10:30----so am a little slow on the uptake---
tis good to stretch one's mind....

Ell


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Re: To meriti: A blind facial expression
Posted by: K.Q. (---.hs.14.118.212.in-addr.arpa)
Date: August 16, 2004 05:16AM

I agree to that Ell. Thanks for taking the time to read!


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Re: To meriti: A blind facial expression
Posted by: TheNolon (---.191.182.233.stp.wi.charter.com)
Date: April 03, 2005 04:30PM

grinning smiley Never saw it done that way. Nice work. I mean there is pictures that can be seen many a different way,but to read a poem that can be changed and mean another is great. Nice work.

"To write something, you have to risk making a fool of yourself." Anne Rice


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Re: To meriti: A blind facial expression
Posted by: K.Q. (---.118.31.34.ua.batelco.jo)
Date: April 04, 2005 07:51AM

Thanks Nolon!


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Re: To meriti: A blind facial expression
Posted by: Tulach (193.120.148.---)
Date: April 06, 2005 01:57PM

Hate to be picky, KQ, but should the second stanza not start "Eyes true"..............great poem though

Tulach


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Re: To meriti: A blind facial expression
Posted by: K.Q. (213.186.184.---)
Date: April 06, 2005 03:46PM

You got it , Tulach. But I think meriti did the full job of putting it into its correct order in his posted reply just above. Thanks for reading!!


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