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living portrait
Posted by: frosty (---.rasserver.net)
Date: July 17, 2004 11:07PM

remember the night you loved me
my back to the wall
hung like a piece
of some obscure artwork
in the hallway
of your campus house
you weren't a student
but I learned
about myself
giving over to your whispers
swaying grass
and the Indiana summer's
cornfield fresh breeze
pushing
through the open window
I didn't care
if sin lived there
as I pressed against
your walls
pressed my walls
loving every tap
that held me there
who needs the Mona Lisa

Allow life to treat you well and be determined to make it great.


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Re: living portrait
Posted by: peternsz (---.client.comcast.net)
Date: July 17, 2004 11:09PM

Amen to that. The voice of your back keep interest.


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Re: living portrait
Posted by: frosty (---.rasserver.net)
Date: July 17, 2004 11:23PM

thanks for the words...

Allow life to treat you well and be determined to make it great.


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Re: living portrait
Posted by: lg (---.trlck.ca.charter.com)
Date: July 17, 2004 11:24PM

Good one, Frosty. I like the reflection of past love, the reader is along for the ride here. I enjoyed the read.

Les


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Re: living portrait
Posted by: frosty (---.rasserver.net)
Date: July 17, 2004 11:32PM

thanks, Les. Glad you enjoyed it.

Allow life to treat you well and be determined to make it great.


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Re: living portrait
Posted by: W. Wizard (---.client.comcast.net)
Date: July 19, 2004 11:20PM

Frosty,

Another good post! I liked most of this one, but had trouble with these lines:

you weren't a student
but I learned
about myself
giving over to your whispers...

In my opinion that first line would fit better if it read:

you weren't a teacher
but...

Just my opinion though. I don't think that would take from the meaning unless you were stressing that she didn't go to that school. The way it goes right into learning, seems to sound like you learned, even though she wasn't the reason you attended the school. Anyway, I enjoyed the read!

-W. Wizard


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Re: living portrait
Posted by: frosty (---.rasserver.net)
Date: July 20, 2004 12:19AM

Wizard...thanks for that feedback. I am the she in the story though...and I was trying to stress that "he" wasn't a student...though he lived on campus. I was a student on the campus and he taught me (additionally)about passion, etc. I don't know WHY...but people always think from my writing that I am a guy. haha. Should I be worried???? lol

Allow life to treat you well and be determined to make it great.


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Re: living portrait
Posted by: W. Wizard (---.client.comcast.net)
Date: July 20, 2004 01:48AM

lol. My apologies, it's just that my thoughts automatically flew to Frosty the SnowMAN. Never even crossed mind that it could be Frosty the SnowWOMAN! smiling smiley.

Back to the poetry...I thought you might be trying to get the point across, that he wasn't a student, so changing that would change the meaning a bit. I like it either way!

-W. Wizard


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Re: living portrait
Posted by: Johnny SansCulo (---.nycmny83.covad.net)
Date: July 20, 2004 09:40AM

As Soupy Sales never said (and he told me personally that he didn't)

What's the difference between Snow-women and Snow-men?
Snowballs


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Re: living portrait
Posted by: peternsz (---.client.comcast.net)
Date: July 20, 2004 09:45AM

Bll, as the typo said. Boo.


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Re: living portrait
Posted by: Lost in Forever (24.197.233.---)
Date: July 20, 2004 10:52AM

great!! i loved it!


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Re: living portrait
Posted by: frosty (66.194.66.---)
Date: July 21, 2004 04:46PM

great! I am glad you loved it. thank you.

Allow life to treat you well and be determined to make it great.


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