Johnny, that is some funny stuff. The real quotes are just as funny as the ones you can make up from those lists.
Isn't the greatest Shakeherean insult the claim that someone else wrote his plays? Bacon or someone else?
There is a kind of merry war betwixt Sibnior Benedick and Her: they never meet ut there;s a skirmish of withbetween them.
Alas! he gets nothing by that. In our last conflict four of his five wits went halting off, and now is the whole man man governed with one; so that if he have wit enoughto keep himself warm, let him bear it for a difference between himself and his horse; for it is all the wealth that he hath left, to be known a reasonable creature.
Act I sc.I, M.A.[A.]N.
[Not all insults are tossed in one's face directly.]
Five card stud, nothing wild, and the sky's the limit. --straight poker.
Homer ( Simpson )
"Cheesey second-hand electric donkey bottom biters!"
Here's one of the real ones I was talking about:
Do you set down your name in the scroll of youth, that are written down old with all the characters of age? Have you not a moist eye, a dry hand, a yellow cheek, a white beard, a decreasing leg, an increasing belly? Is not your voice broken, your wind short, your chin double, your wit single, and every part about you blasted with antiquity? And will you yet call yourself young?
Taken from: Henry IV, part 2
Post Edited (10-11-04 11:32)
I like these bits of Henry 4 Part 1 Act 2 Sc4
PRINCE HENRY: Wilt thou rob this leathern jerkin, crystal-button,
not-pated, agate-ring, puke-stocking, caddis-garter,
FALSTAFF: 'Sblood, you starveling, you elf-skin, you dried
neat's tongue, you bull's pizzle, you stock-fish! O
for breath to utter what is like thee! you
tailor's-yard, you sheath, you bowcase; you vile
'Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries!'
I like the stream of abuse that Kent hurls at Oswald in LEAR.
OSWALD What dost thou know me for?
KENT A knave; a rascal; an eater of broken meats; a
base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited,
hundred-pound, filthy, worsted-stocking knave; a
lily-livered, action-taking knave, a whoreson,
glass-gazing, super-serviceable finical rogue;
one-trunk-inheriting slave; one that wouldst be a
bawd, in way of good service, and art nothing but
the composition of a knave, beggar, coward, pandar,
and the son and heir of a mongrel bitch: one whom I
will beat into clamorous whining, if thou deniest
the least syllable of thy addition.
I laughed until I cried.
"Loving people is like farting in the wind; You don't actually accomplish anything, but you feel better."
~The Great and Powerful Angelia~
Hey, sounds like the Governator!
Marlowe would have been better if he'd lived longer.
That probably didn't mean one who takes action. More likely it meant someone who files a lawsuit (i.e., instead of dealing with things straightforwardly).
Chances are, Shakespeare would agree that "Marlowe would have been better if he'd lived longer." I was just reading (glancing at) an introduction to a Marlowe play in an anthology, and the editor there felt that Marlowe's inability to write HUMOR (or humour, for that matter) would have limited his success (at the time) and his standing (in ours). I haven't read enough Marlowe to chime in with an opinion.
I remember one from Timon of Athens . . .
'I wish thou wert a dog, that I might love thee something'
"How now, wool-sack, what mutter you?"
Henry the Fourth, Pt. 1