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Lindsay Macrae
Posted by: marian2 (
Date: October 21, 2003 05:01AM

Anyone prepared to post a link or poem or send me an e-mail to give me a taste of Lindsay Macrae? Someone referred to her poems 'Children also get Depressed 'and 'Facts of Life' the other day in a posting, they sounded interesting and I'd just like a little taste before I go to the trouble of ordering a book from the library.

Re: Lindsay Macrae
Posted by: StephenFryer (
Date: October 21, 2003 10:12AM

The someone was me. i read some of her poems, from 'You canny shove yer granny off a bus', to 13-year old kids on National Poetry Day - and they enjoyed both the funny and the serious ones:

Her Latest Flame

My sister drags her boyfriends home to meet us
Subjects them all to family scrutiny
They disappear for hours up in her bedroom
Then disappear for ever after tea
Where love's concerned, Ella is like a Mountie
Fierce and direct, she always gets her boy
Dad says that she's a 'shameless little hussy',
Dumping each suitor like a broken toy
Ella can't see what we all find so funny
Boys are like fish to her, there's plenty more
Love is a game to girls like Ella
Perhaps it's because she's only four.

Dad Canít Dance

A couple of pints of lager
and heís quite red in the face
he thinks he is the business
But he just looks out of place.
He waves his arms around a bit
and wiggles his behind
a more embarrassing spectacle
would be difficult to find.

The Rolling Stones were Number 1
when he last took to the floor
I tell him that the Twist
just isnít trendy any more
(a bit of information
which he chooses to ignore).

But now heís got into the rhythm
the music is loud
heís causing a stir
and heís drawing a crowd.
My friends say ĎDonít worry
he isnít that bad.í
Itís all right for them
he isnít their dad.

He moves like an emu
with three left feet
as a total twerp
heíd be hard to beat.

I wish heíd stayed at home tonight
(or at least stayed in his seat).
and if he doesnít take his jacket off
heís going to overheat.

Now heís twitching like a zombie
whoís gone into a trance
Heís not too bad at changing plugs but we shouldnít let him dance!

Playing Dead

My brother likes to fight with me
and heís usually the winner
he puts his hands around my throat
to bring up last nightís dinner.

He calls me weedy features
as he pulls out half my hair
Heís happier sitting on my chest
than sitting on a chair.

But I have a secret weapon
a master plan Iíve devised
though my brother has seen it a thousand times
itís always a big surprise.

In the middle of a wrestling match
Iíll suddenly go quite slack
and act as dead as a dodo
lying still with my eyes rolled back.

My legs go as stiff as a statueís
the blood drains away from my face
and just as my heartbeat grinds to a halt
my brotherís begins to race.

What if Iím not pretending?
How will he tell Mum and Dad?
Who will he torment if Iím not around?
For a sister Iím not quite that bad!

He swears that heíll buy me some chocolate
if only Iíll rise from the grave.
So I come back to life and yell ĎGotcha!
Now go get me ten Milky Ways.í

The Facts of Life

Hell tell you that he slipped and fell
But never that heís gone through Hell
He promised that he wouldnít tell
itís just a fact of life

He blocks out the violent threats he hears
And sticks his fingers in his ears
He knows it always ends in tears
Itís just a fact of life

When things went wrong he cannot say
Feels like itís always been this way
Another bruise, another day
Itís just a fact of life

Sometimes when things get really grim
He keeps his sweater on in gym
To hide the marks which cover him
Itís just a fact of life

He stands in the playground on his own
The other kids leave him alone
His misery remains unknown
Itís just a fact of life

Little Miss Muffet Fancies a Change

Little Miss Muffet
sits on her tuffet
her temper is starting to flare
Sheís angry and mad
Ďcos her food is so bad
and she thinks h
that it just isnít fair.
ĎI sit here all day
forcing down curds and whey
(cottage cheese with some watery stuff)
its taste is as bland
as an old rubber band
and I have had more than enough.
I want burgers and chips
I want ketchup which drips
from the side of my mouth
when I chew
I want bangers and mash
diet coke, corned-beef hash
shepherdís pie or a prawn vindaloo
I want smooth chocolate spread
slapped all over my bread
a biscuit to dunk in my tea
some barbecued beans
or even stewed greens
to guzzle while watching TV.

Simple Simon has pies
coming out of his eyes
Jack Horner at least get a plum
and Jack Spratt can eat
lots of lovely lean meat
no wonder Iím felling so glum!í

Then a spider called Fred
comes ans sits on her head
ĎStop all this moaning!í he cries
ĎYouíre really quite lucky
my dietís much more yucky
for I live on nothing but flies.í

Children Also Get Depressed

You say that this month moneyís tight
That all you ever do is fight
To find the cash when bills are due
You tell me I should think of you
That I am just a nuisance who
Gets on your nerves.

I wonder if you ever guess
That children also get depressed
ĎCheer up for Godís sake,í you exclaim
Youíre sorry that I ever came
Into your life ten years ago
ĎYou were an accident you know
We really, truly love you though-
Now tidy your room.í

I wonder if you ever guess
That children also get depressed.

Youíre sick and tired of your lot
You want what someone else has got
Haunted by bitterness and tears
You feel youíve wasted all the years
Until youíve nothing left but tears
Youíre wrong you know

I wonder if you ever guess
That children also get depressed

OK so things arenít as you planned
But what I cannot understand
Is why you blame me all the time
Itís not as if the fault is mine
The time has come to realize
I see the world half through your eyes
That what you say and what you do
Affects me just as much as you

Although Iím young. my painís no less
For children also get depressed.


Re: Lindsay Macrae
Posted by: marian2 (
Date: October 22, 2003 04:23AM

Thanks Stephen - the library is closed today, I'll go tomorrow!

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