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Philoophies of a chicken crossing a road
Posted by: Talia (216.117.98.---)
Date: October 10, 2003 05:46PM

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road...?

Plato
For the greater good.

Karl Marx
It was a historical inevitability.

Machiavelli
So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.

Hippocrates
Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.

Thomas de Torquemada
Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Timothy Leary
Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

Sherlock Holmes
It was not merely that the chicken crossed the road, Watson, but that the three Russian midgets and the Italian oboe player did not also cross.

Darth Vader
She was seduced by the dark side of the road.

Commander Chikotay
I'm not sure but I can find out. That chicken is my animal spirit guide.

Douglas Adams
Forty-two.

Nietzsche
Because if you gaze too long across the road, the road gazes also across you.

Oliver North
National Security was at stake.

Carl Jung
The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Jean-Paul Sartre
In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Commander Data
I do not know. Although I have compared all of my 437 billion data points relating to chickens and roads, there is no positive correlation between the two.

Ludwig Wittgenstein
The possibility of crossing was encoded into the objects chicken and road, and circumstances came into being which caused the actualisation of this potential occurrence.

Albert Einstein
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Aristotle
To actualise its potential.

Buddha
If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

Salvador Dali
The Fish.

Emily Dickinson
Because it could not stop for death.

Epicurus
For fun.

Ralph Waldo Emerson
It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Johann Friedrich von Goethe
The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

Ernest Hemingway
To die. In the rain.

Werner Heisenberg
We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.

David Hume
Out of custom and habit.

Saddam Hussein
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Pyrrho the Skeptic
What road?

Ronald Reagan
I forget.

The Sphinx
You tell me.

Henry David Thoreau
To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.

Mark Twain
The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Joseph Stalin
I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette.

Malcom X
It was coming home to roost.

Ludvig von Beethoven
What? Speak up.

Julius Caesar
To come, to see, to conquer.

Dr. Seuss
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes the chicken crossed the road,
but why it cross it, I've not been told!

O.J.
It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.

Capt. Jean Luc Picard
To see what's out there.

Thomas Jefferson
All hens are endowed by Nature and Nature's God with the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of the other side.

Charles Darwin
It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Thomas Dequincy
Because it ran out of opium.

Rene Descartes
It had sufficient reason to believe it was dreaming anyway.

Bob Dylan
How many roads must one chicken cross?

TS Eliot
Do I dare to cross the road?

Paul Erdös
It was forced to do so by the chicken-hole principle.

Robert Frost
To cross the road less traveled by.

Gilligan
The traffic started getting rough; the chicken had to cross. If not for the plumage of its peerless tail the chicken would be lost, the chicken would be lost!

John Paul Jones
It has not yet begun to cross!

Immanuel Kant
The chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the road of his own free will.

Martin Luther King
It had a dream.

James Tiberius Kirk
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Gottfried von Leibniz
In this best possible world, the road was made for it to cross.

Groucho Marx
Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.

Gregor Mendel
To get various strains of roads.

John Milton
To justify the ways of God to men.

Alfred E. Neumann
What? Me worry?

Sir Isaac Newton
Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.

Thomas Paine
Out of common sense.

Wolfgang Pauli
There already was a chicken on the other side of the road.

J. Danforth Quayle
Ite sawe ae potatoee.

Mr. Scott
'Cos ma wee transporter beam was na functioning properly. Ah canna work miracles, Captain!

William Shakespeare
I don't know why, but methinks I could rattle off a hundred-line soliloquy without much ado.

Sisyphus
Was it pushing a rock, too?

Mr. T
If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!

Walt Whitman
To cluck the song of itself.

Mae West
I invited it to come up and see me sometime.

Henny Youngman
Take this chicken ... please.

Zeno of Elea
To prove it could never reach the other side.

Pat Buchanan
To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

John Locke
Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.

The Bible
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the Chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Richard M. Nixon
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.

Jerry Seinfeld
Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?"

Louis Farrakhan
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

George Orwell
Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.

Fox Mulder
It was a government conspiracy.

Colonel Sanders
I missed one?


Re: Philoophies of a chicken crossing a road
Posted by: Talia (216.117.98.---)
Date: October 10, 2003 05:48PM

Philoophies?.......sorry....philosophies.


Re: Philoophies of a chicken crossing a road
Posted by: -Les- (---.trlck.ca.charter.com)
Date: October 10, 2003 11:39PM

Hmmm. KFC is calling to me!


Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To prove to the possum it could actually be done!


Why is it easy for chicks to talk ?
Because talk is cheep !


Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
- He heard the referee calling fowls



Les


Re: Philoophies of a chicken crossing a road
Posted by: rayburnjane (---.25.32.104.Dial1.Nashville1.Level3.net)
Date: October 11, 2003 01:01AM

Talia, This was too good. In the world of elementary education:

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!

Yes, Les....KFC does sound good!!!!

BFN Jane

Jane Rayburn


Re: Philoophies of a chicken crossing a road
Posted by: Talia (216.117.99.---)
Date: October 13, 2003 02:16PM

The only kind of joke beter than a chicken joke is a cow joke....

What do you call a cow with no back legs?
lean beef!

What do you call a cow with no legs?
ground beef!


Re: Philoophies of a chicken crossing a road
Posted by: Marian-NYC (---.nyc1.dsl.speakeasy.net)
Date: October 13, 2003 02:21PM


There once was a chicken named Joad
Who simply would NOT cross the road
When asked why he balked
He said--well, he squalked:
" _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ "


(Last lines, anyone?)


Re: Philoophies of a chicken crossing a road
Posted by: Pam Adams (134.71.192.---)
Date: October 13, 2003 02:39PM

I won't take my share of the load.

For down I don't want to be mowed!

pam


Re: Philoophies of a chicken crossing a road
Posted by: glenda (---.client.comcast.net)
Date: October 13, 2003 02:48PM

The outcome well does not bode.


Re: Philoophies of a chicken crossing a road
Posted by: Pam Adams (134.71.192.---)
Date: October 13, 2003 02:58PM

"Ain't nothin' in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead armadillos."
Texas Agriculture Commissioner Jim Hightower.

pam


Re: Philoophies of a chicken crossing a road
Posted by: Jack? (---.southg01.mi.comcast.net)
Date: October 13, 2003 03:42PM

'I prefer a-la-king to a-la-mode'


Re: Philoophies of a chicken crossing a road
Posted by: Hugh Clary (---.denver-01rh16rt.co.dial-access.att.net)
Date: October 13, 2003 04:21PM


For down I don't want to be mowed!


I can't beat that one!


Re: Philoophies of a chicken crossing a road
Posted by: glenda (---.client.comcast.net)
Date: October 13, 2003 05:21PM

Commissioner Hightower neglected to mention the buzzards eating the armadillos.


Re: Philoophies of a chicken crossing a road
Posted by: Linda (---.cache.pol.co.uk)
Date: October 13, 2003 06:40PM

Joad always began his replies "It all depends on what you mean by ....."

but I can't think of what it would be at the moment.


Re: Philoophies of a chicken crossing a road
Posted by: Marian-NYC (12.154.236.---)
Date: October 14, 2003 12:14PM

There once was a chicken named Joad
Who simply would NOT cross the road
When asked why he balked
He said--well, he squalked:
" _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ "


Winner by acclamation:

. "For down I don't want to be mowed!"



(Unless someone can meet Linda's challenge.)


Re: Philoophies of a chicken crossing a road
Posted by: Hugh Clary (---.denver-05rh15rt.co.dial-access.att.net)
Date: October 14, 2003 01:47PM


"It's none of your beeswax, so FOAD!"


Re: Philoophies of a chicken crossing a road
Posted by: Pam Adams (134.71.192.---)
Date: October 14, 2003 02:03PM

snicker......

pam


Re: Philoophies of a chicken crossing a road
Posted by: -Les- (---.trlck.ca.charter.com)
Date: October 14, 2003 06:21PM

AND DIE, really Hugh!!


There once was a chicken named Joad
Who simply would NOT cross the road
When asked why he balked
He said--well, he squalked:

There's nowhere I'm going; unless towed

Les


Re: Philoophies of a chicken crossing a road
Posted by: Nasha (---.in-addr.btopenworld.com)
Date: October 16, 2003 05:33PM

Came acrross this by chance thought it belonged here:-

Army Military Command Chicken
[www.geocities.com] />
Natyasha


Re: Philoophies of a chicken crossing a road
Posted by: Marian-NYC (---.nyc1.dsl.speakeasy.net)
Date: October 16, 2003 07:01PM



There once was a chicken named Joad
Who simply would NOT cross the road
When asked why he balked
He said--well, he squalked:
"My carry-on needs to be stowed."


Re: Philoophies of a chicken crossing a road
Posted by: Hugh Clary (---.denver-04rh15rt.co.dial-access.att.net)
Date: October 16, 2003 07:14PM

No fair winning yer own contest, ya know.


Retongue sticking out smileyamela Anderson's Philosophy
Posted by: Talia (216.117.99.---)
Date: October 17, 2003 11:47AM



Pamela Anderson takes on KFC
Actress and PETA spokeswoman accuses fast-food operator of cruelty to chickens, calls for boycott.October 17, 2003: 10:23 AM EDT
NEW YORK (CNN/Money) - Former "Baywatch" star and animal-rights activist Pamela Anderson has sent a scathing letter to KFC accusing it of abusing millions of chickens, and is urging a consumer boycott of the fast-food franchise. "If people knew how KFC treats its chickens, they'd never eat another drumstick," Anderson wrote to John Bitove, chairman of KFC Canada's parent company, Priszm Brandz.
KFC, which owns or franchises about 12,300 outlets in 90 countries, is a division of YUM Brands (YUM: down $0.07 to $33.04, Research, Estimates).
"What KFC does to 750 million chickens each year is not civilized or acceptable, and you can help change that," Anderson wrote in a letter circulated by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) Thursday. "Cruelty is cruelty, and KFC is being cruel in the extreme. I am calling for a boycott of all KFC restaurants until my friends at PETA tell me that you have agreed to be kinder in your practices."
Her friends in this endeavor include Paul McCartney, music mogul Russell Simmons, and National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) President and CEO Kweisi Mfume.
Anderson alleges that KFC's suppliers scald the chickens to death and drugs the animals "so that they become crippled under their own hefty bulk."
PETA's campaign has included demonstrations around the world, as well as billboard and print advertisements allegedly exposing KFC's cruelty to chickens. "KFC uses only the highest quality ingredients in all the meals we freshly prepare in our restaurant kitchens," said KFC spokeswoman Bonnie Warschauer. "We buy our quality chicken from the same trusted brands as you do in the supermarkets, like Perdue, Tyson and Pilgrim's Pride. There's a lot more information about our quality standards on our Web site," Warschauer said.


Re: Philoophies of a chicken crossing a road
Posted by: Hugh Clary (---.denver-04rh16rt.co.dial-access.att.net)
Date: October 17, 2003 02:00PM


KFC's suppliers scald the chickens to death

I wonder if she eats any lobster or steamed crabs. Now THAT'S a tough way to go!


Re: Philoophies of a chicken crossing a road
Posted by: -Les- (---.trlck.ca.charter.com)
Date: October 17, 2003 02:06PM

Coming from the heart of Turkey country, and as a bona fide graduate of Turkey tech, and resident of the county which is home to the largest supplier of chicken products in the western U. S. , I can tell Ms. Anderson that chickens supplied to KFC and other franchises are not scalded before their throats are slit. In other words the chickens are very dead before being defeathered in hot water.

Les


Re: Philoophies of a chicken crossing a road
Posted by: Talia (216.117.98.---)
Date: October 24, 2003 12:31PM



Just a little joke.....I hope this does not offend any catholics.


After watching sales falling off for three straight months at Kentucky Fried Chicken, the Colonel calls up the Pope and asks for a favor.
The Pope says, "What can I do?"
The Colonel says. "I need you to change the daily prayer from, 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken.' If you do it, I'll donate 10 million dollars to the Vatican."
The Pope replies, "I am sorry. That is the Lord's Prayer and I can not change the words." So the Colonel hangs up.
After another month of dismal sales, the Colonel panics, and calls again. "Listen, Your Excellency. I really need your help. I'll donate $50 million dollars if you change the words of the daily prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken.'"
And the Pope responds, "It is very tempting, Colonel Sanders. The church could do a lot of good with that much money. It would help us to support many charities. But again, I must decline. It is the Lord's Prayer, and I can't change the words." So the Colonel gives up again.
After two more months of terrible sales, the Colonel gets desperate. "This is my final offer, your Excellency. If you change the words of the daily prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken,' I will donate $100 million to the Vatican.
The Pope replies, "Let me get back to you." So the next day, the Pope calls together all of his bishops and he says, "I have some good news and I have some bad news. The good news is that KFC is going to donate $100 million to the Vatican."
The bishops rejoice at the news. Then one asks about the bad news.
The pope replies, "The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account."




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