These are copied from jokes.com -- snicker.... there are more, many more...
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the centre
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left York at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Peterborough at 4:19p.m.at a speed of 35 mph.
The Top 20 Bad Suspense Novel Metaphors or Similes
20. Worn down at the edges like a Times Square hooker, the
caretaker's last tooth lay on the floor like a yellow Chiclet.
19. When she stepped out of her dress, she had the body of a
90-year-old nun, if the nun looked as young, attractive,
and sexy as the dame standing in front of me.
18. The situation had become topsy-turvy -- like Christmas in the
summer, if you're in Australia.
17. The information imbedded on the stolen computer chip was like
an explosive so explosive it could explode, creating a massive
16. As I watched through the slatted shades, her bosom bounce like
her suspicious husband's first check.
15. The killer was a misplaced comma in the jaunty, happy sentence
that made up the party crowd.
14. His face looked like an ice sculpture. Not one of those
pretty ones in the middle of a cruise ship buffet, but the
kind they do in a contest with a chainsaw -- and it had been
out in the heat too long.
13. Like any family, this house had its secrets, secrets it grimly
refused to reveal, and would continue to refuse to reveal even
if it could speak, which unlike a family, or at least most
members of most families, it couldn't.
12. The air of danger perversely made Lisa's nipples harden,
like that Magic Shell stuff on a bowl of ice cream.
11. From his vantage point in the balcony, the would-be assassin
looked down on the debating candidates like a webhead looking
down on an AOL user.
10. The sudden darkness made the Countess tense, like Bobby Jerome
that time with the bicycle in 7th grade, remember?
9. There was something funny about the kidnapping crime scene
that Special Agent Frievald couldn't quite place, and the
thought stuck with him throughout the rest of the day,
like those tiny little bits of the circumferent skin from
the bologna slices on a foot-long Subway Cold Cut Trio that
get stuck in between the last two molars on the upper left,
on the tongue side where you can't possibly reach them with
a toothpick, your fingernails, or even a systematically
straightened paper clip, they just sit there and make every-
thing you eat at your next meal taste vaguely like vinegar
and mayonnaise, and then somehow -- quietly but miraculously
-- they disappear by themselves in the middle of the night
while you're asleep, just like the visiting Countess appeared
to have done.
8. Her parting words lingered heavily inside me like last night's
7. The bullet burned Gilmore's gut like the first piss after a
long night in a Singapore brothel.
6. A single drop of sweat slowly inched down Chad's brow --
a tiny, glistening Times Square New Year's Eve Ball of
5. His .38 barked fire, like John Goodman's butt after a chili
4. Her blazing eyes dance like Astaire and Rogers, but since they
were crossed, it was an ocular tango, and my eyes had to
foxtrot just to maintain eye contact.
3. She had a voice so husky it could have pulled a dogsled, and
the gun she was holding gave me a bad case of barrel envy.
2. The neon sign reflected off his gun, like the moonlight
reflects off my brother-in-law's bald head after a night
of beer drinking and cow-tipping.
1. Unable to contain his rage, he burst like a pimple of emotion,
the pus of his fury streaking the mirror of calm in the
bathroom of his life.
#4 isn't so bad.
classic Elmore Leonard, couldn't google it, from 'Lady Yesterday':
...I caught the eye of what passed for a waitress in this roach hotel. She walked over like she was wearing someone elses shoes. Her perfume went with the joint. Like teargas.
A collection of similes, one-liners, and turns of phrase that could be written only by Raymond Chandler.
"I belonged in Idle Valley like a pearl onion on a banana split."--The Long Good-bye (Chapter 13)
"Even on Central Avenue, not the quietest dressed street in the world, he looked about as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel food."--Farewell, My Lovely (Chapter 1)
"What did it matter where you lay once you were dead? In a dirty sump or in a marble tower on top of a high hill. You were dead, you were sleeping the big sleep, you were not bothered by things like that. Oil and water were the same as wind and air to you. You just slept the big sleep, not caring about the nastiness of how you died or where you fell. Me, I was part of the nastiness now."--The Big Sleep (Chapter 32)
"Her smile was as faint as a fat lady at a fireman's ball."--High Window (Chapter 3)
"At three A.M. I was walking the floor listening to Khachaturyan working in a tractor factory. He called it a violin concerto. I called it a loose fan belt and the hell with it."--The Long Good-bye (Chapter 12)
"She opened a mouth like a firebucket and laughed. That terminated my interest in her. I couldn't hear the laugh but the hole in her face when she unzippered her teeth was all I needed."--The Long Good-bye (Chapter 13)
"I walked back through the arch and started up the steps. It was a nice walk if you liked grunting. There were two hundred and eighty steps up to Cabrillo Street. They were drifted over with windblown sand and the handrail was as cold and wet as a toad's belly."--Farewell, My Lovely (Chapter 8)
"The walls here are as thin as a hoofer's wallet."--Playback (Chapter 5)
"The voice got as cool as a cafeteria dinner."--Farewell, My Lovely (Chapter 15)
"The kid's face had as much expression as a cut of round steak and was about the same color."--"Red Wind"
"If you don't leave, I'll get somebody who will." -- Chandler's notebooks
"One time in Leavenworth, just one time in all those years, Wally Sype wrapped himself around a can of white shellac and got as tight as a fat lady's girdle."--"Goldfish"
"Tasteless as a roadhouse blonde."--"Spanish Blood"
"From thirty feet away she looked like a lot of class. From ten feet away she looked like something made up to be seen from thirty feet away."--The High Window (Chapter 5)
"You boys are as cute as a couple of lost golf balls . . . how in the world do you do it?"--The High Window (Chapter 23)
"She was as cute as a washtub." -- Farewell, My Lovely (Chapter
Your hair is like a flock of goats frisking down the slopes of Gilead. (Wot, coarse & smelly)
Your teeth are like a flock of sheep as they come up from the washing.
Your navel is a bowl well rounded with no lack of wine. (An inny then)
Your nose, the tower of Lebanon, facing Damascus.
Nice girl friend King Solomon had.