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ONESELF doing
Posted by: theworld2 (86.21.110.---)
Date: January 10, 2009 06:55AM

ONESELF doing

Who right or wrong, I'm not here to judge! I love writing and
I usually write what I feel good and bad, sadness and pain.
You die you lost nothing to do with me. I can't make a difference
Surely I cannot bring the dead to life's
This mid-east thing been on going 50 years, before I was born,
bring me feeling sadness and shallow to see and heard
a fellows human being killing each other daily by hatred!
Surprise, they all look the same, tongues and sounds.
I really don't know who is whom!
Whom is the other? Which your preference!
and why, they picking a fights. You do me first!
to my people. I'll do you even worst!
they do this to your people. Killing at each other never ending?
You kill my children, We kill your children.
If there any difference children and any human life's been token by hatred
oneself hand cover with human bloods, can it be ever watch away?

I really don't give a damn to you both, Who right or wrong.
But I do give my hearted, my love to see you both living in Peace!
If a country infested by this horrible thing.
Maybe we think this infested thing is your only answer retaliation?
Ask again oneself do you think this can ever being Peace? Or it bring more bloods and tears
If a country government don't have the power or don't have the courage
to terminated those infested desire! Who can and who let them in?
Who let them grown? And who shelters them?
I really don't know, any word can be said and done.
To clear both mind and thought from fearing of each other!
away from hatred for both side living in Peace!
and I do want you to ask oneself, do you want Peace?
Can you stop playing fire and can you stop aggressiveness retaliation?
And can you both just try. Take your mind away from hatred
and see give a thought I love my neighbour's
amongst neighbour's and more important is amongst oneself?
The answer is in your. In you and feel the bottoms heart
No human or prays can make Peace for you

Oneself: SEE


Re: ONESELF doing
Posted by: IanAKB (210.84.14.---)
Date: January 10, 2009 10:02AM

If this piece is intended to raise a series of political questions for general discussion, it is out of place in this General Discussion forum, which is intended for discussion on poetry subjects.

If you are posting it as a poem you have composed, you should post it in the User Submitted Poetry forum.

I have to say however, that in my opinion this composition bears very little resemblance to poetry. It uses no poetic devices apart from being broken into lines. It appears simply to be a rant in prose with carriage returns inserted at arbitrary intervals.

There are so many errors of syntax and vocabulary in it that I'm afraid it's obvious you are not a native English speaker. (I assume you have not made the errors deliberately, with some satirical intent). You may be studying the language, which I can only applaud, but you have a way to go before you have mastered it well enough to write a passable poem on a subject as serious and difficult as the one you have tackled here.

As part of your studies I suggest you read a lot of classical English poetry, and note the poetic devices used, and get a feel for how poetry differs from prose.

Ian

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/10/2009 04:31PM by IanAKB.


Re: ONESELF doing
Posted by: theworld2 (86.21.110.---)
Date: January 10, 2009 12:08PM

thank for yuor kind word. any comment i happy to receive
but only in peace no f...




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