My posts (and life in general) have all been too serious recently. So when I heard this on a radio programme and laughed out loud, I thought I'd better share it:
There once was a Bolshie called Lenin
Who did one or two million men in
That a lot to have done in
But where he did one in
That old Bolshie Stalin did ten in!
Letter from Robert Conquest to Kingsley Amis
The programme said Conquest wrote a lot of very good limericks - anyone know any more?
There are four of his in The Penguin Book of Limericks.
Our existance would be that much grimmer ex-
cept for the solace of limericks.
-A fact that's unknown
To two lots alone
-The drearier dons and the dimmer hicks.
When a man's too old even to toss off, he
Can sometimes be consoled by philosophy.
One frquently shows a
Strong taste for Spinoza,
When one's balls are beginning to ossify.
My demands upon life life are quite modest:
They're just to be properly goddessed;
Astarte or Isis
Might do in a crisis,
But the best's Aphrodite, unbodiced.
Then scorn not the limerick either,
Though as Tennyson said, who knows why the
Fuck such a rhyme
Makes the grim reaper Time
Such a markedly blither old scyther.
I once knew a warrior named slim
Who worked all day in the gym.
He never did 'roids or drugs
And gave all the ladies big hugs
But still couldn't pick up a limb.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/17/2005 03:38PM by lg.
I will have to look around for my Asimov's Guide to the Limerick- lots of good stuff there.
There was an inventor named Lloyd
Who created a feminine ddroid;
He gave her a slot
To be used as a twat,
And shot a great load in her vvoid.
Speaking of which, I got a letter from these guys, asking permission to publish one first seen here, in an upcoming issue:
A diarist, Samuel Pepys,
Wrote, "My wife is a woman who slepys
Whenever I'm randy
So I pour me a brandy,
And visit the pen of our shepys."
I am not sure who pointed me in their direction, but it was probably Marian or Stephen? Anyway, thanks for the help!
While reading a novel by Asimov
The rocket won't fire, it's rathersoft
This here Science Fiction
won't cause an Eriction
The button is switched to Orgasm Off
Johnny, that may very possibly be the worst limerick I've read while here at E-mule.
Then I shall sleep proudly !
George Orwell must be turning in his grave.
If he were alive today would he use Equal in his coffee?